


9 Days

by Solariumlunar



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Breaking Up & Making Up, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentions of Blood, i'm going to get sued, if you had 9 days what would you do?, jookyun is there along with Hyungwonho, learning to let go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solariumlunar/pseuds/Solariumlunar
Summary: People say you die twice, the first time when you stop breathing and the second time a little later, when somebody calls you name for the last time.





	1. Day 1: First Contact.

**Author's Note:**

> To my sister, that loved space more than anything. You were gone too soon, I miss you always but Today a little more. 
> 
>  
> 
> First Contact-The instant when the partial phase of an eclipse begins.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“We are born in one day. We die in one day. We can change in one day. And we can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in just one day.”_

_-Gayle Forman._

 

 

* * *

                 

Darkness, that's the first thing fans noticed on the concert hall followed by a loud noise, Monbebe's wonder what happened scared since everything was just fine a couple of seconds ago. The members were freaking out, running in complete darkness trying to find each other, the dim light of Monbebe's Monlight's help them to find the source of the noise. Hyunwoo manages to get to Yoo Kihyun first, checking if Kihyun is properly breathing or not feeling something in the younger's nose, the stagecraft in the back manage to find the lights, turning it back on. only to find Kihyun barely moving with blood running down his nose. 

"KIHYUN!!!" screams Jooheon running towards him, while Hyunwoo stares in complete shock. Security starts to guiding them to emergency exits, Monbebe's keep turning hoping that's nothing getting out of hand, only catching glimpses of what it seems Kihyun fainting. 

"Someone call an ambulance, Kiki is not breathing!!" screams Hoseok, Changkyun and Minhyuk try to find their manager as Hyungwon grabs Kihyun's hand that's cold for some reason, the stagecraft crew gets a hold of the ambulance informing the members that it will be here any second. 

"Did he tell you he was unwell?" asks Minhyuk bitting his nails, moving back and fort. 

"No, he was fine this morning" says Jooheon staring at Hyunwoo that observes Kihyun without moving closer, still in shock since Kihyun was just fine a couple of hours ago, walking in the sidewalk with his arms extended pretending to fly. 

"Ki" whispers Hyunwoo about to touch the younger, but the paramedics come rushing in. Placing the younger in the stretcher, running towards the ambulance that awaits for them in the outside. For them almost feels like everything happens in slow motion, they run towards the van that takes them to the hospital, the members observe Monbebe that gives them the strength they need. 

Doctors observe the boy rushing to the E.R. where they starts making some exams, his blood pressure is a little low but nothing it would kill him. His body temperature is normal and his heart  beats at the rate of a 24 year old, but somehow the younger keeps bleeding from his nose. The nurses take some blood tests, transferring him to intensive care where the nurse en charge of him places a tube of oxygen on his nose once it's stopped bleeding, finding the vein on his hand to place the medical serum that slowly drops as the heartbeats of the monitor fill the silent room. 

~~

Kihyun opens his eyes everything is blurry so he lets his eyes adjust finding an unknown ceiling, he has never seen before. Kihyun can feel a tickling sensation on his nose, he feels exhausted and breathing hurts him a little. He tries to reach it  finding a needle on his hand, hearing the monitor that keeps track of his heart. 

"Why am I in a hospital"he thinks, lowering his head to find the members waiting for him. 

"He's awake"says Changkyun making the members observe the small boy, Kihyun tries to pull a smile on his face but he hates fake smiles, so he doesn't even bother just looks at each and everyone of them. 

"Why didn't you say something? we could have told our manager" says Hyunwoo worried, that only manages to make the younger one more confused than before. 

"Because I wasn't Unwell, i don't know what happened..Darkness is the last thing I remember, it was dark and I was scared...maybe I was just feeling under the weather but I'm going to be just fine, I have to apologize to Monbebe they must be really worried" reassures the younger, they observe him besides the breathing tube on his nose kihyun looks normal, but "What if?" never leaves their mind. 

"Your health is first Kiki, remember that. We will let our manager know so we can take it a little slow" says Hoseok, kihyun doesn't say anything sure he has fainted before as any of them from the exhaustion of being an Idol, so he hopes starship gives them a little break even if it's only a couple of days. Of course he knows the answer will be probably no since promotions for Shoot out are just beginning. 

"Ki"whispers Hyunwoo stepping closer but their manager enters the room, on the phone with Mrs. Yoo all worried for her Son, but he understands since Kihyun is her younger son. 

Hours feel slower, minutes feel eternal as they wait for the results. The Hospital finds a rare virus they have never seen before, so they decide to call a pathogen expert  Doctor Moon, the one has studied this types of viruses for years, when he sees the pattern is something he only saw once, but this one in Kihyun seems different from that one since it could have adapted. Doctor Moon takes off his glasses thinking about the rare disease that is an uninvited host on Yoo Kihyun. 

"It's Happening again" says Doctor Moon as he walks to the room 07, thinking about the fact that there isn't a drug developed yet. He gets inside with the results finding the members along their manager that observe him. 

"Is he okay? What happened?" asks their manager hopping is nothing serious. 

"My Name is Moon Yeol, I was contacted by the hospital I specialize in pathogens. I study this type of diseases the rare ones that doesn't even have names, unfortunately that's the case here with Yoo ah, I have bad news the test results where positive in many of the once it shouldn't be all of them signs of a rare disease I only saw once, and as if for now Yoo ah Is the only one with it" says Doctor Moon, the room becomes even more silent than before. Each looking at one another, while Kihyun hopes isn't something that is going to kill him. 

"What do I have?"asks Kihyun 

"The Virus began on the left side of your brain, it's destroying your defenses really fast we can't control it nor stop it" says Doctor Moon 

"I can deal with this" 

"Yoo ah I'm truly sorry, there isn't a drug developed to help you fight it, the last case died way too soon. There isn't anything strong enough to help you nor destroy your body from the inside out at this rate your health will give up before your 25th birthday" says Doctor Moon making everyone in the room fall even more silent than before since death isn't something you play with. 

"Am I going to die?" asks Kihyun breaking the silence with the question in everyone's mind. 

"Yes" 

"How many time? does he have left" asks Hyungwon breaking the silence as well, thinking about what are they going to be able to do with him. 

"9 days, I'm really sorry Yoo ah" says Doctor Moon bowing to him, the boys observe him walk away. Kihyun on the other hand starts getting teary eyed, until is way too much pain and he breaks crying, usually Yoo Kihyun tries to keep it inside, is rare to look at him cry but when you do it's evident he cannot hold it in anymore. 

"Kiki, come here. I'm so sorry" says Minhyuk hugging him crying along, Hoseok joins them pulling all of them into a group hug. 

"I want to be alone...please" says Kihyun with a broken voice, the members let go hugging him once again before stepping outside the room. Hyunwoo looks at him holding into the bed, Kihyun holds the eye contact. Hyunwoo wants to hold him so much, but he can't not anymore. 

"Go to them, they need their leader" 

"Kihyun ah" 

"Go" he says turning away from their gaze, to stare at the window. Hyunwoo nods getting outside, following the boys that get in the van once more. The  ride back home feels weird and scary somehow, the apartment is just as silent without Kihyun's nagging, but also his presence is missing everywhere they look. 

"We should treat him as always" says Jooheon putting his jacket away. 

"Do you think he will like that?" asks Hoseok staring at the door that holds Kihyun's name, they try to figure out tings to make him happy hoping it works since Kihyun just got told that he's going to die. 

"I'm going to bed..I can't..deal with this right now" says Changkyun walking towards his room, he shares it with Jooheon and Minhyuk. the latter goes to him while Minhyuk stares into nothing, his usual aura is not there anymore. 

"He's...He's..." says Hyungwon trying to breathe, Hoseok goes to him telling him too keep breathing slowly. They get to their room closing the door at their backs, Minhyuk goes to the sofa hugging his knees. 

"Why did You and Kihyun called quits?" asks Minhyuk out of the blue. 

"I don't know what you're talking about" says Hyunwoo 

"You do" says Minhyuk resting his cheek in his knees, Hyunwoo doesn't know how but he finds himself outside staring at Venus and how bright it shines in the darkness of the universe, he can feel something running down his cheek, the knot on his throat only grows. Hyunwoo starts running almost as if could ease the pain, as if could save Kihyun. He screams in pain still running without direction, thinking everything that happened in the last couple of months.  

Hyunwoo thinks about the velvet box in the bottom of his drawer, that hold the engagement ring once belonged to Kihyun. He thought he had time, but his future with Kihyun fades, the older finds himself in a bookstore, observing the notebooks finding a peculiar one with both sharks and Hamster emoji's odd but still makes him smile since it reminds him so much of Kihyun. The younger said he didn't want to be called a Hamster anymore that from that day on he would be called a shark, to Hyunwoo Kihyun would always and forever be his Kihyunster. 

\--

Kihyun sits in his bed with the news still haunting his head, thinking in all the plans he had. He will not be able to finish his photography major in nine days, nor fall in love again, or let alone have a family. A couple of hours go he didn't even thought of death, now tomorrow isn't even given to him. Kihyun starts thinking in all those times he starved to have the "perfect" body, the days he didn't sleep to practice his vocals or all the chemicals he used to clean around the house. 

"Come in" he says when someone knocks at the door, letting in Sohn Hyunwoo holding a little bag on his side. 

"Oh, Shownu Hyung what are you doing here?" asks Kihyun with a raspy voice, deeper than his usual voice. 

"I have a present for you" he says walking closer. 

"I don't want anything" 

"It reminded me of you" says Hyunwoo giving him the notebook, the younger grabs it curious finding the adorable emoji's on it. He finds it odd but cute at the same time, Kihyun thinks about writing, he was never too fond to it. He never kept a journal or wrote a letter to someone he liked, but maybe is time to give it a try. 

"Thank you, Shownu Hyung" he says opening the cover, there is pictures of his family, of the members and many of Monbebe around the world, there is one from their first concert and the last one too. 

"I'm going now...I'm truly sorry " says Hyunwoo 

"For what?" 

"Listening to others when it come to our relationship, for leaving you..I will regret it my whole life" 

"I'm not trying to hurt you" says Kihyun 

"I know Ki, but I'm tired of disappointing you" says Hyunwoo walking towards the door, he turns findng Kihyun smiling at the notebook. He wonders how many of those he has left, in average a person smiles between 20 to 40 times a day. Hyunwoo infers that he has at least 5 or even less smiles from Kihyun considering the circumstances. 

"Thank you Ki, for staying as you are" says Hyunwoo walking out the door knowing he's not going to smile even a bit, when he arrives at the apartment Minhyuk is still in the couch, he looks at him and they hug. 

Kihyun touches the cover along with the pictures that bring so many memories to his eyes, he also finds a bear shaped pen feeling bitter-sweat about it. 

** [Day 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i39fan8ow-o) **

_I've never had a Journal before, I will try my very best to describe the next nine days detailed as possible.. since my time is pretty limited._

_I wonder what did go wrong? Was it my lifestyle? My diet? My metabolism? or was it Hereditary?  Has it been in me all this time?  Or was it random? Either of those questions are never going to be answered  which totally sucks, I will keep writing every symptom I have to help Doctor Moon a little with his research for this nameless illness. I can't hold back so I will start by saying is hell there is no other way to describe it._

_I started feeling weird yesterday night when out of no where my nose started bleeding, I thought maybe my nose was dry or I was way too stressed.. thinking about it now only makes me more mad, I should have said something but I stayed quiet. Today was a whole other story I woke up so lightheaded I don't even know how I managed to put some clothes on not to mention not a bit hungry. Maybe I caught  the flu I told myself ... if only I knew. We had practice just like any other day, my body was reacting really different moving in the opposite direction our dance instructor called me out like crazy.._

_Last thing you know i'm in the concert hall screaming for my life, the pain was unbearable. I swear my head felt like it was boiling hotter than any fever I ever got, It felt like my brain was melting....I thought I was going to die right there. When I opened my eyes I was laying in a hospital bed confused and scared, usually when artist faint in stage they treat it right there  in the concert hall... at the moment I can only breathe out one nostril, my lungs jump every time and I have some red spots on my arms._

_I would be lying if I wrote that it doesn't hurt, is something that got out of my hands. I'm so angry I want to scream and punch walls. I'ts quite interesting to think about death, it wasn't on my mind a couple of days ago, now I think about every second that goes by. I WANT TO LIVE  so badly for Monbebe, for myself, for my mom and for ~~Shownu~~ my members._

_People say that everything happens for a reason, I really want to know what my reason to die is. Because at this very moment I don't get it, I truly don't know why  the next few days will be filled with pain and ultimately my death. Time is something so precious that I wasted in so many bad decisions, I wanted to live a life that I was proud of.. at the moment to be completely honest I don't feel like that ..._

_I'd rather be dead than dying...._

Kihyun stops writing before he damages the page even more, there are some splashes of ink where he applied more pressure than others where is barely readable because he didn't apply enough pressure, Kihyun closes the notebook holding it as he stares at the ceiling. 


	2. Day 2. Second Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second Contact- The instant the Total or Annular phase of an eclipse begins.

 

The apartment is silent without Kihyun, the first one that awakes is Hyunwoo rubbing his eyes and putting on the glasses. It feels unusual to wake up by his alarm instead of Kihyun waking around, he goes to the kitchen making some coffee so the older can make it through the day since he couldn't sleep that well, Hoseok comes out of his room with puffy eyes and dark circles around the eyes, Hyunwoo bets all of them may look pretty similar at the moment. 

"You're making Coffee? That would be a first"says Hoseok mocking the older a little bit. 

"Well my ass was the first one up so I decided to make some for a change" 

"Just add a little more water if you don't want motor oil" says Hoseok sitting in the dining table, Hyunwoo joins him a bit later looking around. 

"It feels unreal not having him around...but when he gets better everything will be just fine" says Hyunwoo 

"Sho..." says Hoseok observing the older staring at the door of the room that belongs to Kihyun, he's the only one that doesn't have a roommate at least not anymore. 

"Did Minhyuk honestly slept on the couch" asks Hyunwoo gazing at the boy sleeping in an uncomfortable position, that he will probably regret the second he wakes up. 

"What's for breakfast?" is the first thing Changkyun getting out of his room squinting his eyes, stinting in the table only to fall asleep again. Making the leader wonder how many times has Kihyun deal with this, probably more than he should. 

"Go get yourself something" says the older but Changkyun keeps sleeping on the table, Jooheon on the other hand makes an appearance rubbing his eyes. He smiles catching the sight of Chankyun sleeping deciding to get some coffee for both of them. 

"Morning" he says trying to lift the mood a little bit, putting the cup away when no one responds. 

"someone's in a mood" he says. 

"Aren't we all?" asks Hoseok looking at the empty seat where usually Kihyun sits. 

"True" says Jooheon drinking the coffee that makes him gag at the bitterness, amazed at the thought of making coffee somehow taste like vinegar.  

"I'm going to check on Hyungwon" says Hoseok knowing is going to be a pain waking up his lover, it was always a battle between Hyungwon and Kihyun, meanwhile Hyunwoo searches for something to eat there isn't much just a what it looks like a box of cereal, low carb, quinoa and kale infused free range-avocado vegan cereal reads Hyunwoo asking who bought it. 

"I'm not eating that shit" says Jooheon 

"I'ts the only cereal available, there is nothing in the fridge we have to eat this" says the older putting the cereal on the table along some milk, feeling bitter thinking how did Kihyun managed to do it every morning. 

\-----

Kihyun awakes to the same ceiling fro before, meaning it wasn't a dream. He feels a slight pain every time he moves his arms, he raises his arm noticing scratches all over both of his arms, almost as if he wanted to skin himself alive. There's dry blood on his sheets so he must have done it last night and his nails have blood on them, Kihyun presses the panic button making a Nurse appear with some food that she drops looking at the boy, it looks like something out of a horror movie. She calls another nurse that helps her move Kihyun to a chair while she changes the sheets, the first Nurse that calls herself Hong Seol sits next to him stitching his wounds. 

Kihyun gazes at the sheets and the stitches, it somehow reminds him of an old piano, it was placed at the corner of the living room. It was a grand Piano very old and a little rusty, it belonged to his great great grandmother. Most of its strings where missing, but Kihyun loved it nonetheless when he was little Kihyun just to sit on the bench and pretend to play he may or may not break one or two strings. To his father however it only collected dust, since he never learn how to play it. When Kihyun learn how to play the piano his father destroyed that piano the very next day. 

_"This is useless, it's only a pain in the ass for everyone. Breaking strings every 5 seconds"_ his father said hitting the piano over and over again, dust, pieces and a horrible noise come out of it, he told the maids to cover it with a sheet when he was done with it. 

"All done" says Nurse Hong, Kihyun thanks her observing the bandages on his arms. He gets mad at himself because he feels like he has become that piano, has he become that? a pain for everyone? Kihyun decides to distract himself with some T.V. thinking about what's even on there, he has been so busy with schedules, practices and worlds tours that he doesn't even know whats really popular at the moment. 

"In other news the lead singer of Monsta X has been hospitalized but Starship hasn't given an official statement of his health over all, but according to our sources he's not okay"says the reporter, Kihyun can tell he's outside the hospital along with many Monbebe's, he feels really bad since he doesn't want anyone to get worried, he decides to go to the window with all the strength he has Kihyun manages to get there feeling a little lightheaded, he can see pictures and banners saying "Get Well soon" "Be strong" "Kihyun Oppa Fighting" he waves at them smiling at the warmth Monbebe gives him, he sends them so many hearts and kisses. Monbebe does the same and he bows to them walking to his bed before re really does pass out. Breathing has become something almost unbearable, somehow he manages to get in bed pressing the panic button again and Nurse Hong appears one more time. 

"Can I ask for a favor?" 

"Sure" she says 

"If Monbebe has something for me... can you bring it...Please" he says between inhales, nurse Hong accepts giving him a plate of food so he can gain some vitamins back. Nurse Hong gathers everything she can with the help of one of the intern, she goes to the room filling it with flowers and stuffed animals that remind him of his members. He can feel their love even more deciding to give back, but how? he always gets more love that he can give back. 

"a simple picture is not enough, what can I do?" he asks himself, looking at a pack of letters on the night stand. Kihyun tries to reach it hearing a crack coming from the left side of his ribs followed by something wet, there is an intolerable pain next. Kihyun screams pressing the button almost violently nurse Hong rushes finding the boy covered by his own blood with one of his ribs sticking out from the side. 

"DOCTOR MOON!!!" Screams Nurse Hong taking Kihyun to the E.R, as his vision starts to blur. Kihyun can hear people mumbling around him before completely passing out in the stretcher. 

\------

 When Hoseok manages to wake up Hyungwon it's already noon, he looks so defeated sitting along everyone else. Minhyuk complains about back pain and can barely move his neck, on the other hand Changkyun and Jooheon write down a list of groceries they need after miraculously finishing the cereal. Meanwhile Hyunwoo stares into nothingness debating between life and death. 

"When can we see Kihyun?" asks Minhyuk breaking the silence as Hyungwon gets out of his shared room rubbing his eyes, siting next to Hoseok. 

"The doctor said wherever we want, but visiting hours between 2-5 pm" says Hyunwoo getting out of his trance, telling the boys to get ready to go grocery shopping. 

"We got the list, lets get ready" says Jooheon walking to his room to take a shower, while Changkyun waits he watches some Music videos and the behind the scenes. Kihyun looked tired but all of them where exhausted as  well. 

"Hyung?" he asks to Hoseok 

"Yes?"

"Do you think everything happens for a reason?" asks Changkyun while Hoseok thinks about it, some things are really rare to just happen randomly but if the reason for Kihyun to die is happening for a reason he doesn't really know whats the reason for it. 

"Maybe"he says 

"Then do..."

"Can we not talk about this right now?"asks Hyunwoo standing up walking to his room, it always feels empty no matter how many things he puts in it the feeling of loneliness is always there. 

"He's not doing okay" says Hyungwon observing the closed door.

"I just think He just regret everything that happen between both of them" 

"I believe Shownu still has the ring" says Minhyuk remembering the day Kihyun gave it back, he was calm and collected none of them screamed at one another. Almost as if they saw it coming all along, the thing that hurt the members even more was the expression on their faces since both of them loved each other so much, well they still do. 

"He wanted to propose again some day" says Hoseok and all of them get to their rooms. 

They get ready to leave grabbing the grocery list and some money, the boys get in the car driving to the nearest store. Somehow every parking spot is taken, people honk at them Hyunwoo that is behind the wheel gets a little stressed hitting the steering wheel with his thumb. 

"Go inside I will find you there" he says spotting a parking spot and if he doesn't go fast another car might take it, so as soon as the boys get out he steps in the speed pedal. The members pray he doesn't get in a fight or worse an accident, they get inside grabbing a shopping cart observing the huge store. 

"Alright, grab whats on the list and one treat for you" says Hoseok giving the list to them so they can take a picture. 

"Only one?" asks Hyungwon 

"Fine, Two but remember we are on a budget" getting ignored by the members, Hoseok walks around the aisles trying to find everything on the list. He gets lost at least three times. 

"Whats the difference between Cilantro and Parsley?" he asks himself staring at the similar plants, debating if they really need both of them. Since once he remembered that Jooheon told him that Cilantro tastes like soap. 

"You been staring at Parsley and Cilantro for 5 minutes, are you okay?" asks Hyungwon putting some dried sea weed in the cart. 

"I'm having a mental break down" 

"Take both" says Hyungwon taking the list from his hands, pushing the cart around. Hoseok smiles at him walking around the taller, that helps him find some of the things when out of no where Changkyun appears with a giant gummy bear that they have no idea he got from since that aisle is no where to be found. 

"That's my first treat" says running away to get another thing. 

"How much is that?" asks Hoseok 

"around 56,387.50 won (50 dollars) " says Hyungwon making Hoseok choke, they slowly put it away from the cart. Without the younger noticing, now they know why Kihyun did it, before he would come off as a cheap ass but now they know how stressing is go grocery shopping specially on a budget. 

"what did I miss?" asks Jooheon putting some banana milk on the cart along sneakily putting pork belly to which Hyungwon glares at him. 

"Your boyfriend tried to get that gummy bear again" 

"We should get it for him" 

"with your own money though" says Hoseok spotting some juice on sale at the end of an aisle, running to get it. Jooheon tells Hyungwon that the older sounds just like Kihyun, to which Hyungwon tells him to shut up and get some cereal. Minhyuk finds Hoseok staring at some fabuloso almost at the verge of crying. 

"Hyung?" 

"Look at all these juice, they have such pretty colors and a variety of flavors. I just smelled one and Min it was beautiful. I'm buying at least 10" says Hoseok already grabbing them. 

"Hyung that cleaning detergent" says Minhyuk making Hoseok take a deep breath leaving 8 since they need it anyways along with bleach. 

"Do you want bleach as well? I heard it leaves you breathless" mocks Minhyuk 

"Shut up" says Hoseok finding the cart filled with at least 35 new things that were not on the list, Hoseok decides to give up and all of them forget about the buget grabbing everything they want, by the time Hyunwoo gets inside they have bought stuff they don't even need. Hyunwoo stares at the rubber duck on the shopping bag holding himself to not snap at them. 

"Tell me you guys at least saved some money for some food" he says as they walk to the car, Changkyun hugs his gummy bear already knowing the answer. No wonder why Kihyun would nag at them, they have no self control. His head hurts and its probably been like an hour if not less. 

"lets eat some Kim chi Fried rice" says Jooheon hoping that they did buy the Kim chi, on the way home somehow the traffic worsen. All of them get even more stressed than before, when they finally manage to get home all of them have painful headaches. 

"That fucking Kim chi fried rice better be out of this world" says Minhyuk getting out of the car without the bags, everyone follows him leaving the grocery bags to Hyunwoo that really wants to cry, not only from all the stress but the fact that Kihyun did it every Monday and Thursday even though they had schedules and practices most days making the older feel even more awful, since none of them helped him around. 

"I'm so sorry Ki" he whispers into the city. 

\-----

 Doctor Moon watches the surgeon place the metal band that will hold Kihyun's weak ribs, the operation is a success and a nurse translates Kihyun to intensive care. Doctor Moon turns to Nurse Hong that wonders whats going on in that mind of his. 

"I'ts consuming the calcium on his bones, has Yoo ah been eating anything?"asks Doctor Moon 

"Kihyun ah only ate a little today" says Nurse Hong 

"We have to take some measures, increase the strength of the serum and some iron injections. He needs to be strong for what's next" says Doctor Moon almost talking from a personal experience. 

"Have you seen it before?"

"Yes but he only lasted 3 days" says Doctor Moon walking away, Nurse Hong stares at him hearing the strong heart beats of Kihyun with no sign of giving up soon. Nurse Hong keeps an eye on the boy for time to time, he keeps laying in bed groaning at the pain. 

"Is he?" asks the voice of Hyunwoo that decided to pay a visit to the boy along with the boys. 

"Kihyun ah just got out of an operation, it was a success" says Nurse Hong stepping outside, she can observe the members nervous and truly scared. 

"I just don't want to see him die" says Hyungwon 

"I know, Honey" says Hoseok holding the younger close to him, petting his back to reassure him. 

Hyunwoo observes Kihyun on the bed with bandages on his arms, he looks so pale and tired, Kihyun never got hurt this badly before that required an operation, but at the moment even breathing seams like a pain. Hyunwoo steps forward grabbing the boys hand that feels cold, is still soft and smaller than his; He spots a letter on the ground deciding to pick it up, he reads the envelop and gets right away that is from Monbebe. 

"Can you read it for me?" asks the weak voice of Kihyun, Hyunwoo turns to find the younger awake still holding into his hand. 

"Dear Kihyunie" he reads feeling a strong grip on his hand every time Kihyun gets sad, the members get inside as well finding Kihyun holding Hyunwoo's hand crying a little, while the older reads him a letter.

"They always give us more love than we can give" says Kihyun closing his eyes, this time the pain isn't because of the disease just the thought of leaving soon. 

"Hey you" says Changkyun to which Kihyun turns smiling at him. 

"You guys are here" he says really happy, all of them give him so much hope. The boys decide to each read him a letter from Monbebe, to which he gets emotional not letting go of Hyunwoo's hand, it felt familiar to him; like home. 

"Home is not the same without you" says Hoseok 

"You guys are probably starving by now" 

"He thought fabuloso was juice" says Minhyuk making Kihyun burst into laughter, trying to keep himself calm since he really doesn't want to break another bone. 

"I'm going to write a letter to Monbebe, we can have an special fan meeting or a concert to say goodbye...i don't want to leave this world without saying goodbye" he says observing the presents he has, the members agree feeling sad. 

"We will talk with our manager about it" promises Hyunwoo, all of them nod deciding to watch a movie along Kihyun. They enjoy each others company until visiting hours are over, the members hug Kihyun telling how much they miss him and to keep fighting. None of them want to let go to which Kihyun hold them close telling them everything will be just fine, the last to go is Hyunwoo deciding to go all in and hugs Kihyun that at first gets surprised but lets out a sigh of relief holding him almost as if was something it cloud safe his life. 

"Thank you for the notebook, I love it" whispers Kihyun into his shoulder. 

"Anything for you" 

"Then can we stop hurting one another?" 

"Ki.."

"I'm so Scared" says Kihyun and Hyunwoo holds him even more close, burying his face on Kihyun's shoulder. Remembering he has to be careful not to break a bone, Hyunwoo knows that Kihyun is scared who would be. 

"Me too" he says 

"You guys will make it, I promise everything will be just...fine" he says letting go, Hyunwoo gives him a peek on the top of his head walking away. He notices Kihyun smile at him one last time before he goes away, Nurse Hong comes in changing the serum bag putting some pain revilers on his night stand. 

"Thank you" he says as she gives him the notebook that fell. 

"Be strong okay, if you need anything press the button" she says 

"I will" says Kihyun and Nurse walks away, he opens the notebook touching the next "blank" page since it has some stains of ink from last night.

** [Day 2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDRvNOJw7ZU) **

_Today I remembered the old piano that my father destroyed many years ago, it reminded me of my weak self and how this disease is just like my father destroying the piano with a hammer._

_Last night I scratched my arms with my bare nails, to the point of needing stitches. I don't know how I give it to myself but here we are, I also broke one rib it gave me an external injury at least is what I heard before passing out. It required an operation, my bones and muscles hurt every time i try to move...Doctor Moon spoke about a cure that I'm helping creating but I will most likely not be able to see... but if it can help others then I'm glad to be able to help._ _I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to look them so sad... even though I probably look like that as well, I want to be strong I really do but I can't help to get scared of dying.. things are not getting better I have to accept that fact..._

_But I need them to keep going without me, they are going to live a beautiful life that they are proud of.. they will shine even brighter than the sun..that makes me really happy, they give me strength to stay here until my last breathe, I will miss them so much they thought me everything I know ..._

_Monbebe... Monbebe are probably really worried waiting outside, I don't want to be a burden to them... I have to say goodbye like it should.. talking to them and even if I can't see them personally I want my goodbye to reach each and every single one of them,.. I have to before is too late._

_I want to stay as positive as I can, I don't want to get ahead of time already dying... since I know I am my worse enemy ...when I get upset I shut myself down, I have no motivation for anything..I tell myself that no one cares about me even tough I know is not true.. I have my members but when without them here I just think everything that can go wrong tomorrow, sometimes I even think that I deserve it ..i'm not even sure why ..... maybe dying is the most human thing we can do...._

_Maybe but I am not going to give myself that pain, I want to be at peace.._

Kihyun stops writing because of the tears running down his cheeks, he closes the notebook holding into it as he breaks.

Hyunwoo walks to the training room observing the punching bag, he bandages his hands thinking about Kihyun. How he's losing him... even though he strongly believes they will have a happy ending, he wants to believe that. Even when the younger is slipping through his fingers, Hyunwoo starts punching the bag almost with hate, hitting it until it breaks and his hands are red from all the force, he drops on his knees screaming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, how are you? I just wanted to thank every single one of you that has take the time to read this story. I appreciate it a lot, since this story means so much. 
> 
> If you been wondering each chapter will be named after a term for a solar eclipse, my sister just to love them so in her memory I will name them after those, NASA's web page has a glossary of them. 
> 
> anyways have a great day/ night oh by the way each day that Kihyun writes has a song in them, if you like to read with some music click on the day *winks* 
> 
> Love, Sol. <3


	3. Day 3. Penumbra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penumbra - The penumbra is the weak or pale part of the Moon's shadow. From within the penumbra, the Sun is only partially blocked by the Moon as in the case of a partial eclipse. This contrasts with the umbra, where the Sun is completely blocked resulting in a total eclipse.

 

A strong pain on his stomach makes Kihyun open his eyes, trying to desperately search for the panic button that slip through his fingers. He tries to reach it but he ends up throwing up, holding into the bed for support. 

"I want this to be over" he whispers feeling the vomit on his throat again, but it isn't food this time. When nurse Hong comes inside for the shot of vitamins she finds Kihyun at the edge of the bed holding into it with one hand and the other one hangs over the edge. 

"Kihyun ah?" she walks closer remembering that Doctor Moon told her the last patient didn't past the three day mark, she finds the younger barely reacting with blood dripping down his mouth. 

"Oh no! Doctor Moon!" she screams, pushing the bed of the boy that looks so weak so tired. 

"I'm....s..r..y" whispers Kihyun staring at the blurry lights.  

"I'ts okay...stay with us" says Nurse Hong pushing the bed into the emergency room, while Doctor Moon tries to remember what happened to him. At the moment he tries to focus on saving Kihyun and making sure he's not internally bleeding. 

"I..wa...home.." can barely say Kihyun before he passes out again. 

\---

Hoseok wakes up at the sound of something breaking in the kitchen, he gets out of bed walking out finding Mihyun picking up the broken pieces of glass cursing under his breath.

"I feel useless" says Minhyuk staring at the pieces of glass in his hands. 

"You're not useless, Minhyuk listen I'm honestly so grateful you're here. I need you, we all need you" says Hoseok hugging the younger that starts crying on his arms. 

"I miss him already" 

"Kiki is still here, looking over us. He's here" says Hoseok giving Minhyuk a box to put the broken pieces of glass, thinking in ways to cheer up his friend. 

"Let's try making breakfast shall we?"asks Hoseok and Minhyuk nods truly exited, before the kitchen was a forbidden place it was Kihyun's domain and if you didn't knew he would remind you every second of the day. The boys start searching for some ingredients to make the famous fluffy pancakes they my seen once or was it Kihyun that make to them, either way they are going to attempt not burning the house and make the food at least eatable. 

Hyunwoo walks inside the door after waking up confused on the training room, to find Minhyuk and Hoseok having the time of their lives. Debating whether or not use some cinnamon or vanilla. 

"Why not both?" asks Hyunwoo putting his training bag away, hearing Jooheon getting out of his room. 

"Pancakes?" asks Jooheon surprised.

"Pancakes!"screams everyone in unison, their leader also gets out screaming Pancakes. The commotion makes Changkyun wake up, almost hitting his face on the table when he finds the boys on the verge of tears because their pancakes are actually fluffy and didn't stick to the pan. 

"This is a miracle!!" screams Jooheon 

"The God of pancakes has spoken, we are the chosen ones!" screams Minhyuk, even with all their noise Hyungwon keeps peacefully sleeping.

"Are we going to let him sleep?" asks Changkyun 

"Oh hell to the no, last time we let him sleep he was out for 29 hours. We all thought he died or got into a coma at that point"says Hoseok walking to the room, he grabs Hyungwon bridal style and sits him in the chair, the younger hits his forehead against the table but not even that makes him react. Until Mihyuk drops some cold water on him.

"Yah! I'm going to get sick"says Hyungwon cleaning his face finding the pancakes, the boys enjoys each others company remembering some accidents they have before. How not any of them was fond to cooking but tried their best to help Kihyun, like the time Minhyuk dead ass put a whole onion on a spaghetti to this day they can still remember Kihyun's lecture word by word. 

"I never thought I was going to say this but..I miss his nagging" says Changkyun eating his third pancake when there is a knock on the door, Hyunwoo goes to open reciting the lecture with the boys laughing really hard, only to open the door finding Mrs. Yoo outside. 

"I see you can laugh even though my son is dying, you never change Sohn Hyunwoo" says her firm tone, he understands erasing the smile. Kihyun was a miracle to her, after trying so many times to conceive another child, Kihyun came in the moment she needed only to be taken away. 

"Come in" he says making the members stand up as soon as they see her, they bow at her she bows back observing the apartment her son just to live. The place Kihyun just to spend his holidays instead of home, where Kihyun now found refuge, where Kihyun just to talk about his worries and get out his anger. The place he now calls home, that shares with 6 beautiful boys which have become his brothers.   

"Mrs. Yoo please take a sit" says Hoseok offering some water as well. 

"I'm okay really..I apologize for earlier, I want to bring some things for Kihyunie i'm going to see him today" says still with that firm voice of hers, not even once have the boys seen her cry. She called crying an annoying thing, she didn't like to deal with annoying things, Mrs. Yoo was really conservative but she always accepted Kihyun for who he was and every decision that he picked for himself even if she didn't enjoy it. 

"Is his father going as well?" asks Hyunwoo 

"Yes, he wants to see him" 

"Of course he does" says Hyunwoo mad. 

"Why are you mad? I should be the one mad" says Mrs. Yoo and Hyunwoo smiles at her, she and Mr. Yoo got divorced two days after the piano accident. He remarried a woman 20 years younger that him and hasn't seen Kihyun ever since, Hyunwoo guides her to the door finding a spotless room. She smiles and grabs a hoodie along with some pictures so he can feel a little bit at home. 

"I'ts awfully silent without him" she says 

"I know, but he's here still alive" says Minhyuk 

"Do you think that's living? don't you think he's tired?" she says and they stay silent, they know from the state they have see Kihyun in the last couple of days. Kihyun looks like he's going to break any second. 

"We are all tired" says Hoseok saying what's on their mind, everyone is tired is consuming each and every one of them. Mrs. Yoo nods bowing at them, telling them to enjoy their food walking away, she drives towards the hospital tired as well. 

"Why the fuck did you say that Hyung?!" asks Hyungwon all worried. 

"Language little boy, because is the truth. We are really tired" says Hoseok losing his appetite, he stands up closing himself in the composing room. The boys observe him go but they know is true, all of them barely sleep at night worried for Kihyun and even if they message the boy they will get the "I'm Fine" text they don't want to see because is not true. 

 -----

 Kihyun stares the ceiling making some shapes with his hands, he tries to find something different each time today he found that once there was stars that glow in the dark. They are gone now maybe along with a healthy patient or a sad family. 

"Kihyunie" says the voice of his mother, Kihyun turns almost violently finding his mother on the door walking closer to him. Her youngest son that always had a smile on his face and rosy cheeks is now replaced with tired eyes and painful smiles. 

"Mommy" he says in hugging motion, it's been a while since they hugged one another. 

"I missed you so much" he says holding her almost as if could save him from the pain, it helps him forget a little she gives him so much strength. 

"My baby, My little boy" she says kissing his forehead, hugging him with so much care. She's crying Kihyun can feel it, he's the only one that seen her cry but it was a long time ago to this day he doesn't know the reason, but today he knows why. 

"I'm sorry" he whispers. 

"Is not your fault" she whispers back hearing the door open once again, both of the turn facing Mr. Yoo along with his new wife, Mrs. Yoo lets go of Kihyun observing her now ex husband. Mr Yoo looks at him like Kihyun was a piece of meat or a new object he got from a limited edition high end brand, he feels unconformable tugging into his mother's hand. 

"Son, it's been a while" says his demanding voice.  

"You look pretty bad, doesn't you company feed you anymore" asks his step mom making the boy more mad that he already was. 

"They feed me better than my father ever did, I really don't have time and believe me i don't want to waste it in useless things" says Kihyun with the most uninterested voice he can pull but giving the situation is not really that hard, his step mom gives him a glare. 

"How much time you have left?" 

"6 days" 

"You are a worthless piece of meat, occupying the space of someone that need a life. Why couldn't you be just like your brother, Saeyoung is in charge of the company. And what did you do? become an Idol, I want you to leave your will with the lawyers by tomorrow" says his father's voice he always had a different tone around Kihyun, it was like a completely different realm around the younger, he spoke and demanded impossible things. 

"We are truly disappointed with you, since you're not even been active anymore" says his step mother looking at his mother with disgust. 

"why don't you go fuck yourself?" 

"How dare you speak to your mother like that"

"SHE IS NOT MY MOTHER, AND SHE'LL NEVER BE!"screams Kihyun making all of them jump.

"I know this much Son, You'll never be enough. So get out of your high horse and cry like you always do" 

"Even when i'm sick and depressed i still love life unlike you, I'm allowed to do what ever i want because this is my first life and if you don't like it there is something wrong with yours not mine "says Kihyun finally speaking his true self, from all those times he had to keep his head low from all those times he had to do what ever his father say but not anymore he doesn't have time to waste. 

"You remind me so much of your mother, trying to save our marriage by bringing you to this world, how did that went ha Mirae?" he asks mocking at his mother and that only infuriates the younger even more. 

"The only thing my mom did was make you feel better about your miserable life, you never loved her because you don't destroy the people you love" says Kihyun staring at them with hate, blood running down his nostrils. 

"Just like you destroyed Sohn Hyunwoo?" 

"GET OUT" screams his mother that turn away laughing, Kihyun grabs her hand even more strongly taking the tube out of his nose, breathing out of his mouth. 

"I want to go home" he says crying in a away his mother has never seen before .

"Me too, Honey" she says hugging him again, petting his back slowly and it surely helps him calm down a little. She sings him a lullaby that Kihyun sings along laying down on his bed, after two days of pain he's able to sleep a little, Nurse Hong comes inside and changes the breathing tube, Mrs. Yoo thanks her letting his little boy sleep he doesn't move. 

"Oh Sonh Hyunwoo" she whispers looking at the notebook next to Kihyun, Knowing really well that he was the one that give him the notebook. If only both families wouldn't opposed so hard to their marriage making it a huge drama, their lives would have been different maybe his son wouldn't have suffered so much. 

\------

 Changkyun steps out of the meeting room quite disappointed with the turn the conversation take, he finds Hyungwon leaning on the wall. They decide to sit together enjoying the silence of the hall way. 

"I hate meetings" says Changkyun breaking the silence. 

"Me too, but this one takes the cake" says Hyungwon observing the shadows moving in the room. 

"He's Dying! what part of it you don't get?"screams Jooheon at their management. 

"You guys are not disbanding, there is no need for a goodbye" says one of their managers 

"He wants to say goodbye to Monbebe, that's the only he beg out of us. I don't know if you think we are joking, but i'ts wrong" says Hyunwoo without even raising his voice, but his tone seems pretty annoyed already.  

"Open to the public, and a free v-live?" 

"Yes, that's one of the ways to reach international fans since he cannot travel anymore" says Hoseok and their managers talk about the money they will lose by doing so, specially how are they getting it back. 

"We're talking a human being that is dying, not a property remember that" says Minhyuk walking away going to Changkyun and Hyungwon, that were the first ones to leave when the managers said no. 

"Just think about it okay?" asks Jooheon. 

"He only has 6 days left" says Hoseok leaving Hyunwoo on his own, he keeps waiting for their final answer. He didn't fight for Kihyun a long time ago, he's not making that mistake again. 

"Listen, I know is not a good investment I have an economics degree, but is only going to be one day. We are asking for a day, Ki doesn't have much time left.. please" says the leader and the managers think about it, Hyunwoo looks ready for anything but they know deep inside is killing him that behind his strong façade, there is a scared little boy asking them to help the boy he loves. 

"Fine, we also thought that we should open Kihyun's photography gallery to the public for free on his birthday" says their manager, Hyunwoo bows to them thanking them from the bottom of their heart, he gets out with his head low making the boys wonder if they truly said no as soon as a smile appears they know. 

"We should celebrate with Kiki" says Hoseok. 

"We can bring him some chicken from his favorite place" says Hyungwon, they get into the van that takes them to Kihyun's favorite place. Picking his favorite foods deciding to head towards the hospital knowing really well that the news will definitely make the boy happy. 

They find Kihyun writing something down, only to rip it apart, they wonder if it's something important since the boy looks so distressed and focused.

"Kiki hyung?" asks Jooheon  making Kihyun jump scared, when he notices the boys he smiles. He looks a little better almost as if he was just doing some regular check-up, until they walk closer noticing how tired he looks but he still has a smile on his face. 

"What were you doing?" asks Minhyuk. 

"I was writing a letter to Monbebe" he says pretty disappointed that the letter isn't doing like he wanted. 

"Our manager agreed to make a concert" informs Hyunwoo and Kihyu shines, it's been a while since he shined that way it makes the boy look healthier. 

"I'm so glad" he says really happy, noticing the food on the youngest hands. 

"You want some?" asks Changkyun, he nods they take the food out and Kihyun stares at it, is his favorite but he doesn't know how his body will act specially after the morning. So he decides to eat really slow letting his body get used to it. 

"How did it go with your dad?" asks Minhyuk 

"My father called me a worthless piece of meat" says Kihyun remembering each and every word like it was said seconds ago. For words like that he always wanted to become better, he even promised himself that if he ever become a father he wasn't going to follow his father's footsteps. 

"Show him the difference between what he thinks you are and what you can be" says Hyunwoo, Kihyun turns to him. Smiling at the memory it was one of the first things Hyunwoo ever told him back in their debut days. 

"Hyung" he whispers and his heart beats start going faster, the members freak out about to call Nurse Hong but Kihyun reassures them that he's fine. They decide to makes some #askMonstaX on Twitter so they can interact a little with Monbebe, most of them ask about Kihyun's condition. They answer as many questions as they can, when Nurse Hong comes telling the boys visiting hours are over the members hug Kihyun that misses them already. 

\---

"Shownu Hyung?" asks Kihyun getting the older's attention before he goes away.

"Yes, Kihyun ah?" 

"Thank you, and I'm truly sorry" says Kihyun almost as if he knew something he shouldn't. 

"Who?"

"My mom told me everything" he says and Hyunwoo goes to the boy holding him close, hearing Kihyun's heart beats get faster even more than it was before. 

"I miss you so bad, I'm sorry" says Hyunwoo still holding him close. 

"I miss you so much more" says Kihyun they move their foreheads together but none of them lean in for the kiss, they just stay like that until nurse Hong tells him he has to leave now, Hyunwoo nods and Kihyun lets him go telling him they will see each other tomorrow, he observes the older walk away closing the door at his back. Kihyun misses Hyunwoo the way he listened and hold him like he was his everything. 

_"Ki you know I always wanted the best for you, the day he told me you two wanted to get married I said absolutely not, I didn't think about you and what truly would make you happy, I just think about me.. I was selfish and because of that you got hurt, I will never forgive myself for that"_ he remembers the words his mother told him a few hours ago, how much he wanted to punch someone in the face or just scream at the top of his lungs, Kihyun always blamed Hyunwoo for listening to his parents when his didn't truly supported his decisions either, he spend so much time hating the older, hurting. Of how awkward they become when they split up how messy it become just because he didn't know the truth until now. 

_"Mom is"_

_"Don't say it's okay, Honey is not okay. Be angry you have every right to do so, I took your happiness away and I will never forgive myself for that so please don't try to say is fine because both of us know how much it hurt"_ said his mother, Kihyun asked to be left alone. She hugged him one last time and left, even if Kihyun and Hyunwoo didn't have much skin ship as before the younger always supported his leader, always cheering in the shadows internally screaming when he did something (19+). 

"You love him don't you" asks Nurse Hong 

"I don't know how to stop, actually I don't want to stop...I just want him" 

"Oh" says nurse Hong teasing the boy that got into a blushed mess, She's happy he got to eat something so she can give him some stronger pain killers that will hopefully ease the pain, Nurse Hong also gives him some vitamins to which Kihyun thanks her. When nurse Hong goes away he decides to listen to some music so it can distract him a little from the pain. 

[Day 3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_1KvgMeJ5E) 

_Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly._

_I would be lying if I told you my sickness is fun, It isn't as any Illness out there. It's interesting to think that the flu is annoying yet you can get better with some shots or medicine, there isn't any cure for mine which to be honest sucks. I trow up this morning, literally my guts and my throat is a little sore, also somehow my left leg is hot and the right one is cold figure that one out._

_My mom told me the truth of what happened, of course I can't blame her for all the things that lead us to this mess. I never knew she opposed to my marriage, I'm not going to lie I was pretty disappointed. But there is always a secret that destroys you, now i'm losing him and lost so many time being mad ._

_Shownu Hyung looks really sad every time that we see each other, I want to help him be okay again. To love him like he deserves to be loved but I'm not truly sure if I can do it anymore, I need to be here I feel so unsteady with the idea of leaving, sometimes I wonder if I would have meet them, if we weren't idols we would probably meet I'm sure of it, my brothers and I have history that isn't over yet._

_I'm so happy that I get to say goodbye to Monbebe, Of course I wouldn't want to say goodbye like this I don't want to be dead a couple of days later. But I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to say Goodbye and also give some of the love, the support they always give us, my rooms smells like a garden from all the flowers I got, they remind me of the outside and how much I miss it. I will have to ask Doctor Moon if I can go outside later, I miss the sun in my skin, I want to feel the air moving my hair, I want to hear the rain outside my room, I want to feel alive once again._

_I want to write letters to my members, with all the things I couldn't say before. I'm so grateful to be given the time I have, since I can enjoy each and every moment I have wit the people I live including myself, I wont let anything put me down, not even my father._

_I love you._

Kihyun stops writing accidentally dropping the pen, he decides to let it slide since he doesn't want to break another rib. Doctor Moon observes the boy tucking himself in the bed deciding is time to get the help that he needs, before is too late and the boy can't take it anymore. Even if that means test which the younger will most likely hate, he closes the door leaving Kihyun in complete darkness. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, first of all i'm so sorry for taking so long to update. Work and life in general have me really tired, but I decided to update today FINALLY!! I almost cried when my stupid computer decided to delete the whole chapter last minute, so I had to re write it from scratch, sorry if I'ts a little boring I will get better and a lot sadder. 
> 
> Also thank you so much for the huge support last chapter, It made me feel better. Thank you for taking a little bit of your time to read my story It means more than you think, have a great day/night. 
> 
> love Sol. 
> 
> P.S. I will try to update faster <3


	4. Day 4. Antumbra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antumbra - The antumbra is that part of the Moon's shadow that extends beyond the umbra. It is similar to the penumbra in that the Sun is only partially blocked by the Moon. From within the antumbra, the Sun appears larger than the Moon which is seen in complete silhouette. An annular eclipse is seen when an observer passes through the antumbra.

 

"Something's wrong" breathes out Hyunwoo waking up at 4:00 am cold sweating, he reaches for the bed out of reflex remembering Kihyun isn't there, Hyunwoo stands up stretching deciding to go jogging. He changes plugging his headphones when he gets out of the room he notices Hyungwon watching their MV's, Hyunwoo can notice tissue on the table, no wonder why he never wants to wake up in the morning. 

"Wonie?" he asks making the boy turn cleaning his tears. 

"Oh, Shownu Hyung going for a jog?" 

"Yes, why are you still awake?" 

"Because I don't want to wake up in the morning, waking up knowing that Kiki is leaving" says the younger, they just to fight all the time Monbebe named them Tom and Jerry from all the bickering, but Kihyun and Hyungwon did love one another. Hyungwon was the one that supported Kihyun the most after they split. 

Hyunwoo nods walking to the door, he puts his running shoes warming up before he steps outside where the morning breeze welcomes him, Its freezing cold outside but he goes anyway he thinks he deserves it after all, that is going to help Kihyun somehow that will make the younger stay. He runs until he reaches the hospital, the light in Kihyun's room is turned off hopefully he's sleeping. Hyunwoo notices the gifts Monbebe left some flowers along with pictures, he can notice how much the younger shined against the spotlight. 

"Monbebe loves you so much Ki, keep fighting" he says and the light on his room turns on, he can notice a doctor he has never seen before staring at the distance, turning to say something to Doctor Moon or it could be Kihyun. 

" _what's going on?"_ he thinks feeling like something's wrong, ever since he woke up this morning he had a bad feeling. Why are there doctors he has never seen before? is Kihyun even aware? Hyunwo walks inside asking to see Kihyun, the charge nurse tells him he's not allowed to see Kihyun at the moment. 

"Why not?" he asks offended, demanding to see the younger. 

"Is private information sir, please come back later" says the charge nurse, not willing to deal with anyone this early in the morning. Hyunwoo turns away walking home, the sun is coming out already the rays of sunshine gives him hope that is another day. That Kihyun will get out of there in no time and everything will be just fine, right? Hyunwoo gets home finding Hyungwon sleeping on the table, Hoseok is beside him petting the blanket. 

"He just feel asleep" says Hoseok.

"Wonho somethings going on" says Hyunwoo 

"Did something happened to Kiki?" 

"I don't Know, they didn't tell me" he says feeling really scared of the unknown of the what if's, he tries to catch his breath. The idea of Kihyun dying haunts his mind he starts hyperventilating and everything turns black. 

"Shownu!" screams Hoseok observing the boy faint.  

______

 He can't breathe, there is a strong iron taste down his throat that is choking him. Kihyun feels like he's about to pass out so he tries to reach for the panic button, KIhyun presses the button almost violently, when nurse Hong comes gets inside the boy has already passed out. She checks for his statics transferring the boy to delicate care where Doctor Moon observes him. 

"What happened?"

"He passed out for the lack of air, He was chocking with his own blood" says Nurse Hong checking for internal damage, the spots on his body are getting worse every second that goes by, Doctor Moon decides is time to Call his fellow Doctors in the Lab. 

"What are we going to do?" asks Nurse Hong once they manage to stabilize Kihyun again. 

"I need help" he says getting his phone. 

A Van parks in the parking lot, three doctors emerge from it walking inside the hospital asking for Doctor Moon. He runs to them hugging asking how are they doing, since they haven't see each other as much. 

"This way please" says Doctor Moon along the Doctors walking inside the room where the unconscious boy lays down.

"Yeol, You should called us sooner" says Doctor De Santos he was transferred from Mexico a few years prior, He's also specialized on pathogens.

"I was just... trying to see if it was the same as last time.. but he has different symptoms" says Doctor Moon. 

 "That's right we never saw day 4 before, how long does Yoo Kihyun have?" asks Doctor Hoffman that has kept track from the unnamed disease ever since Doctor moon called her all the way from Germany.

"5 days" says Doctor Moon. 

"He's so tired and those spots are worse than last time, he's having a hard time" says Doctor Chastain that specialized in rare viruses in the best school's in all Paris, she walks closer to Kihyun observing his body, she notices the bandages on his arms, his blood pressure is normal considering he was in shock a few moments ago. Also His heart beats sound really strong with no signs of failing soon, but they also believed that from Him last time. 

"I hate this disease, it never gives you time to do anything" says Doctor De Santos 

"He looks so young" says Doctor Chastain observing the boy sleeping, they can notice how his chest jumps every time he breathes and how uncomfortable he looks even though he's just sleeping. 

"Yoo ah was chocking on his own blood" says Doctor Moon, KIhyun opens his eyes confused turning to find some unknown people on the room that only manage to make the boy even more scared that he was before. 

"We're not going to hurt you" says Doctor Hoffman to Kihyun that nods a her, it hurts him every time he moves his neck. 

"I't must be really hard for you, we are going to do everything in our power to help you. I'm going to take some blood samples for testing " says Doctor De Santos, the boy agrees and lets them take some examples they can notice how different it looks from the usual. 

"I feel like I just got hit by a bus" says Kihyun 

"I'm truly sorry" says Doctor Moon, they step out of the room going to the lab, taking a look at the blood finding out that most of his white cells are gone, the red ones are barely holding up together, his blood doesn't carry iron or anything much. 

"Has it always been like this?" asks Doctor Chastain.

"No, It changed since yesterday" 

"His defenses are none, the flu could kill him so we have to be very careful, by every odd he... but I'm glad he's still here, Yoo Kihyun is a real fighter" says Doctor De Santos thinking in the boy in room 07. 

Kihyun on the other hand looks at some pictures on his phone, he looks at his selfies knowing he shouldn't compare himself of what he was before, but he can't help but feel he let everyone down especially himself. 

"I'm sorry" he whispers to his own self hugging his legs, he can hear some of his bones cracking carefully he stretches a little before standing up slowly, dropping his phone and notebook, he grabs into the Serum for support walking to the window staring at the breaking dawn, he has just a few of those left after all and Kihyun really doesn't want to miss any of them anymore.  

_"The sky is beautiful but people doesn't really look at it"_ he thinks placing his palm into the cold glass, that keep him in from the outside contrary to popular believe hospital windows don't open. 

"I want to go home" says Kihyun before he faints, Doctor Moon comes inside finding a familiar scene, so he calls some nurses to help him put Kihyun on the bed again, making sure that the boy is still breathing. 

"Doctor Moon we are losing him" says Nurse Hong noticing how his heart beats start to drop.  

\-----

Hyunwoo opens his eyes confused finding himself in the living room floor surrounded by his members, confused at the image he sits slowly since he still feels a little dizzy or it could be that he hit his head on the ground. 

"He's not bleeding from his nose, we are fine" says Changkyun making the older feel even more confused. 

"What is happened?" asks Hyunwoo 

"You hyperventilated, do you want to talk about it?"ask Hoseok helping the boy stand up, helping him get to the couch while Jooheon gives him some water. 

"What's been going on in that mind of yours?" asks Hyungwon 

"Nothing" he lies 

"Is about KiHyun isn't it?" asks Jooheon but Hyunwoo doesn't say anything drinking his water. 

"Hyung.. you have to come in terms with it" says Changkyun 

"In therms with what? Kihyun will be fine" says Hyunwoo standing up, the members let him go. He gets to his room where he finds the engagement ring, Hyunwoo opens the box observing the ring, he moves the box staring at the ceiling. He knows that Kihyun will be okay, that nothing in this world is ever going to take him away. The boy is really strong more than they give him the credit for sometimes, is just a bad dream after all. Isn't it? 

"Hyung can I come in?" asks Jooheon opening the door anyway, walking closer to their leader that really isn't doing well, he isn't the same Hyunwoo anymore. 

"You are not you, Hyung" 

"I.." 

"Is difficult for everyone.. accepting to let go is one of the hardest things to do" says Jooheon 

"He's going to be okay" 

"Hyung, Kiki is not okay... He's dying Hyung...we all hope he could recover... but we know it isn't going to happen" says Jooheon observing the box on Hyunwoo's hand, he can see the tears running down Hyunwoo's eyes. 

"I still have time, yes we have all the time.. I knew all of you have hope as well.. he will be fine" says Hyunwoo really exited totally ignoring what Jooheon said, he starts thinking in all the plans he has along with Kihyun and how he's going to love him like Kihyun deserves to be loved, he thanks the younger even thought Jooheon is really disappointed he knows that people react to pain differently but he really hopes that Hyunwoo isn't hiding all that pain on inside. 

"Oh guys I forgot to tell you" says Hoseok from the living room. 

"What?" asks Minhyuk 

"Our managers agreed to do the Concert tomorrow, we should tell Kihyun so we can prepare. Bring him home" says Hoseok lifting the mood significantly, the members get really happy that they will see Monbebe again but also to share a concert along with Kihyun even if that means is going to be the last one. 

"I'm going to propose to Ki" says Hyunwoo 

"Tomorrow?" 

"Yes" he says and the members get really happy, teasing him again like they just to.  

"I'm proud of you Dad" says Minhyuk 

"It was about time, I got tired of all that eye fucking" says Changkyun getting smacked by Hyungwon, but none of them can deny that. Since they just to strip one another almost everywhere when they were together almost every night. 

"I will never forget when I found them having sex on the counter over there" says Minhyuk 

"When will you let it go?"

"Some scars don't go away Dad" says Minhyuk and they head out to the training room since they need to practice for the concert, figuring out some dance moves. 

"Ki will be sitting here" says Hyunwoo placing the younger on the center, even if he doesn't dance his voice will make an impact. Their dance instructor guides them with some movements, changing the choreography to move in sync with the rhythm. 

By 3:00 p.m all of them are exhausted, remembering that they have to tell Kihyun about the concert tomorrow. 

"He will be so happy to come home" says Hyungwon, remembering that the apartment looks like a dumpster at the moment and will very likely have Kihyun dragging them across the ground, they smile truly missing that from him, along with his essence in general. 

"We are coming Ki" says Hyunwoo getting in the van along the members, they can notice how brightly the sun shines as they approach the Hospital. 

\----

Kihyun finds himself staring into nothing, he just thinks how much this decease is taking over his life. He can notice Doctor Chastain writing something down in a little notebook, she feels Kihyun staring at her. 

"Sorry for scaring you earlier" she says 

"Its fine" 

"How are you feeling?"

"Somehow I can feel my life fading away" he says thinking in all the opportunities he let go, all the what if's he was so scared to face. He was good at making friends of course he enjoyed his time alone too, whether it was singing alone on his room or just doing something else.

"I just want you to know how strong you are, your body is holding up for 5 more days.. he didn't got that.. you are truly a fighter" says Doctor Chastain stepping out of the room, Kihyun starts thinking about if he's going to be able to go home or not. There is a knock on the door and the members get inside, Kihyun smiles at them they can notice he has become thinner since yesterday. 

"We have great news" says Minhyuk breaking the silence.

"What is it?" asks Kihyun 

"Our managers agreed to held the concert Tomorrow!" says Changkyun really exited. 

"Really?" asks Kihyun feeling happier than he ever felt in the last couple of days. 

"Yes, they finally agreed" says Hyunwoo while Kihyun  opens his arms for a group hug, they remember the old days when they where trainee's waiting for their debut they just to hold each other to get rid of the tension. 

"Thank you.. I can say goodbye to Monbebe now... I can go home" he says letting them go, the members smile at him already making plans for today, watch some movies maybe or enjoy Kihyun nag at them after all those days. 

"I'm going home" says Kihyun as Doctor Moon enters the room, the doctors observe the boys that respectfully bow at them. 

"Going Home?" asks Doctor Moon confused. 

"I want to go home"says Kihyun 

"Yoo ah is not the time to go home yet" says Doctor Moon scared that it may kill him, that he worsen when he steps out of the hospital. 

"Why?" 

"Your defenses are really low, you could die any second out there" 

"More than I already am? I just want to go home" says Kihyun pretty mad. 

"Yoo ah"

"I'm going home, I need to go home even if is just for a day.... I want to feel outside one last time... I have 5 days left let me enjoy them, I don't want to go only observing the walls around me...please I just want to say goodbye" says Kihyun feeling the tears run down his eyes, maybe it's the best for him to stay but he really doesn't want to stay anymore. 

"Is a suicide waiting to..."

"Yeol ah just let them go, Yoo Kihyun is not him... let him go" says Doctor Chastain  that nods at them, Doctor Moon turns around holding his tears. He lets them go realizing it's the boys life and he can do what ever he wants with it. 

"If something happen let us know" says Doctor Hoffman. 

"We will" they say and they step outside, the boys start getting everything ready, he ask Nurse Hong to help him get dressed with the clothes his mother left the last time she was there. He gets in some sweat pants along a lose hoodie that may or may not have stolen from Hyunwoo, Nurse Hong removes the equipment that flat line when they don't find pulse, the only thing they leave is the breathing tube on his nose, so he takes an oxygen tank on a wheelie. He goes to the door nodding at nurse Hong, Kihyun steps outside where Hoseok helps him walk to the outside. 

After all those days he dream about walking outside the hospital, his eyes adjust to the natural light and his skin rejoices from the sun light. 

"I missed the blue sky" says Kihyun reaching for it, he removes the breathing tube just for a little bit inhaling the oxygen outside, his lungs jump from the invasion of the different air but Kihyun holds for a little bit, closing his eyes. After some minutes Kihyun places the breathing tube and get in the Van with the members that takes them back to the familiar apartment they call home. 

"Do you want something to eat? I heard hospital food is awful" says Hyungwon 

"Maybe some Kimbap" says Kihyun and the boys decide to call some take out. 

Kihyun observes the city, how beautiful it is. He never truly paid attention to it, now everything feels like a code he never saw before. When they arrive Kihyun gets pleased that is not a mess, he smiles at the spotless house walking around in the familiar surroundings finally breathing in peace. He gets to his room noticing is just like he left it the day he didn't come home, he knows that the members didn't get inside. 

"They don't want to say Goodbye" says Kihyun under his breathe, walking around touching the walls, along with his clothes that will most likely don't fit anymore. He finds his camera turning it to find a picture of Hyunwoo, Kihyun smiles at it touching the screen. 

"KIMBAP IS HERE" scream both Minhyuk and Jooheon, how much did Kihyun miss both of them. All of them gather in the table and start talking about the concert tomorrow and what can they do to make Monbebe laugh a little. 

"Honestly though Wonho hyung is one of my best friends, last year we even shared a toothbrush" says Minhyuk 

"I was not aware of that" says Hoseok 

"We did" says Minhyuk making all of the laugh, Hyungwon asks Hoseok if it's true while the boy is just as confused. 

"Let's go to bed, we have an important day tomorrow, see you in the morning" says Hyunwoo on his leader mode, the boys start to get ready to head to bed. They say good bye to one another getting in their rooms, but Kihyun doesn't move deciding to risk it all. 

"Can I sleep with you?" he asks Hyunwoo 

"Of course" says the older, he stands up feeling a little dizzy. Hyunwoo goes to him guiding the boy to his room, once was his as well nothing has truly changed just his belongings are not there anymore, Hyunwoo gets him to his side of the bed where Kihyun lays comfortably except for his nose tube.

"Do you need anything?" asks Hyunwoo 

"No" says Kihyun the older nods changing into his pajamas, meaning only his boxers. Kihyun wonders how can he sleep almost naked when is freezing outside, meanwhile Kihyun stares at the ceiling remembering there is pictures of both of them there. 

"Ki?"

"hmm?"

"Are you scared?" asks Hyunwoo facing the younger, that keep staring into the ceiling. 

"Of course, I don't want to leave you" says Kihyun turning so they can face one another, they can see every part that makes them who they are. Kihyun smiles at him as Hyunwoo brings him close, Kihyun rests his head on the crook of Hyunwoo's neck. 

"I love you" says Kihyun putting his pride away, because he really just wants to love the older like he deserves to be loved. Like they just to before, without the fights and drama, just both of them loving one another. 

"I love you too" says Hyunwoo hugging him closer than ever, smelling Kihyun that always had a cherry blossom sent on him. But the younger never used anything with cherry blossoms on it, he was sensitive to smells of course that didn't stop him from bleaching the whole apartment twice a week. Kihyun just to say that he smelled like a baby he never knew how but it must have been true. 

"Good night Nunu Hyung" says Kihyun 

"Good night Ki" he says smiling at him, it's been years since he called him Nunu and of course he loves it. Hyunwoo gets comfy while Kihyun grabs his notebook, deciding is time to wrote that letter to Monbebe.

**  [Day 4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUJ_xpOVfyw) **

_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage._

_Today is my official first day out of the hospital, of course this decease being this decease had to give me some troubles. In the morning I couldn't breathe, my lungs collapsed at some point and not to mention somehow I was chocking on my own blood. My breathing system is the one doing the worse so far, i been feeling deadly tired since yesterday but i can't sleep that well. This decease is really draining me, both mentally and physically, I can't give up though for them._

_My members give me the strength I need while also loving Sohn Hyunwoo gives me the courage I need to keep fighting, I've come to the conclusion that I can't stop loving him and I wont I don't have anything to stop me. Even though is a promise I will break at some point, I want to leave them with good memories, I want a life that I will proud of. Tomorrow is the day I'm going to say goodbye to Monbebe, the loves of my life but "shh don't tell Shownu hyung" they always give me strength, even by just standing cheering for us._

_I've always loved the fact that they prove music has no language, music is supposed to make you feel. They always felt something with our music, I saw it on their passion, they made me the signer I am today and for that I will forever grateful._

_Today I came back home, I never missed a place so much. But It wasn't the apartment that I missed it was them, that always support me, even when I'm at my worse. I don't know how I'm going to pay them back for everything they've done. Outside felt like it was a dream, the sun shined so bright than I've ever seen before. It make me really happy, knowing that there is so much people willing to help me, it makes me feel really loved._

_I have to start writing the letter for Monbebe._

_Dear Monbebe_

_I'm never going to fully be able to thank all of you for all the love you give us, for your support how it reaches each and every single one of us.. in ways I can't even describe..._

Kihyun finishes the letter turning the light off, turning to Hyunwoo that peacefully breathes, he gets closer to the older that is really warm just what he needs. The older takes him in his embrace kissing the top of his head, Kihyun closes his eyes with a tear running down his cheek. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, How are you? I hope you are great. I got really sick over the last few days but don't worry I'm getting better, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it also ALLIGATOR MV JUST DROPPED OMG I WASN'T READY, I DIED LIKE 10 TIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN JOOHEON SAYS "HELLO I'M AN ALLI ALLIGATOR" I FELT EMOTIONS.   
> anyways I hope you have a great day, and thank you so much for reading my story it means a lot, thank you for the kuddos as well and for patiently waiting for me to update you are the best. 
> 
> Love Sol.


	5. Day 5. Annular Eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> annular eclipse - A solar eclipse in which the Moon's antumbral shadow traverses Earth (the Moon is too far from Earth to completely cover the Sun). During the maximum phase of an annular eclipse, the Sun appears as a blindingly bright ring surrounding the Moon.

The sunlight murder his eyelids, waking up Kihyun from dreamland he stares at the ceiling that has pictures of him and Hyunwoo. Remembering he went home yesterday, which feels like a whole lifetime. He turns around finding Hyunwoo on his side sleeping peacefully, Kihyun smiles drawing his silhouette without touching his face. Deciding that is time to get ready Kihyun tries to stand up but he can't move his legs, he cannot longer move his toes. 

"Shownu hyung" he says moving the older, he opens his eyes scared, he sits almost pulling a muscle with his hair in a complete mess. 

"Ki? what's wrong? do you need to go to the hospital?" he asks scared touching his face making Kihyun smile at him. 

"Not really, I just can't move my legs" 

"We can wait another day.." 

"No, Hyung if we wait until the right time, we will wait and wait, Monbebe needs me right now...I need to say goodbye" says Kihyun which smile disappears and voice on the verge of breaking, Hyunwoo hugs him and Kihyun cries holding into him good byes are never easy especially when you're not going to be able to say hello again, but he needs to in order to be at peace with himself. 

"You're so right..I'm really proud of you, the strength you have. How much you're willing to fight to say goodbye" says Hyunwoo comforting the younger.

"Let's go, we have a busy day today" he whispers grabbing the letter he wrote, putting it close to his heart. Hyunwoo lifts him feeling how light the younger is, he walks out of the room helping Kihyun sit in the table, slowly the members get out of their rooms relief to see Kihyun sitting there once again. 

"Today is the day" says Minhyuk next to Kihyun that rests his body on him, the boy wraps his arms around him and listen to their songs practicing their vocals. 

"I can't believe i'm saying this but someone wake up Wonho" says Kihyun surprised, even Hyungwon woke up first by will. Hyunwoo and Jooheon practically drag Hoseok out of the room, he rubs his eyes absolutely drained.  

"Are you okay?"asks Kihyun 

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep last night" says Hoseok showing them the new track he created in his insomnia, a song dedicated to Kihyun. 

"WONHO!!" says Kihyun so happy he forgot the honorifics, Hoseok goes to him hugging the younger, they know each other for a long time. Even before debuting as Monsta X, they were trainees together along with Jooheon with the dream of becoming a band and now they are. There is something he will keep missing no matter how any times he's reincarnated, his band members that have become his brothers after everything they been through together. 

"A penny for your thoughts?" asks Hyungwon 

"I was just thinking about you guys" he says lifting some of the tension on the room, they smile at him he knows those smiles, they are there when they are having a hard time. He wonders whats behind those smiles, what feelings do they hold in? What secrets lay behind their silence? He smiles back at them, he looks down at his hands his nails look bluish almost as if he had hypothermia but his body temperature is normal. 

"Shall we go?" asks Jooheon everyone agrees, they decide to take a quick shower that gets Kihyun thinking in what to do, they don't own an special shower chair the worse injury they had so far was a broken arm. 

"I'm going to need help" says Kihyun. 

"What's wrong?" asks Hoseok 

"I can't move my legs, I don't know why" 

"Oh, you can shower with me, I don't mind" says Minhyuk as Jealousy plays on the background, Hyunwoo stares at him but at the end of the day it's Kihyun's decision after all he's his own person and not a little kid that needs to be told what to do.  

"Temping but.. Shownu hyung can you help me?" asks Kihyun, Hyunwoo never stood up from the chair so fast he feels like a winner when he takes Kihyun, the younger giggles holding him close. 

"Make it quick, we don't have time" says Hoseok deciding to take a shower with Hyungwon you know to "save" water, leaving Minhyuk along the rapper line. He smirks at them suggesting with his eyebrows. 

"We don't even fit ourselves so no" says Changkyun popping Minhyuks bubble. The boys get to their rooms hopping they can hot water since they forgot to pay for it last week, praying that Kihyun didn't forget. Their prayers get answered with the hot boiling water, enough to compared to hell. 

Kihyun bites his lip staring at Hyunwoo's back, stating that the younger had a fascination with the older's back was an understatement, everyone knew at this point Kihyun also misses marking it with his nails Hyunwoo's stylist would get scared sometimes at the masterpieces Kihyun created sometimes, it only make the younger proud and Hyunwoo loved it as well. 

"Take a picture, they last longer" teases Hyunwoo catching Kihyun staring at him.  

"Maybe I will"says Kihyun putting some plastic on his bandages so they don't get wet, reminding himself to replace them once they get out.  

"Up"says Hyunwoo removing his hoodie, Kihyun holds him with one arm, pulling his pants down feeling the hot breath of the older on his neck, letting out a soft sight Kihyun remembers he has to breathe holding into the broader boy he missed so much. 

"Can you hold on your on?" asks Hyunwoo trying to figure out a way to get them both inside. 

"No" says Kihyun looking down disappointed, Hyunwoo kisses his forehead reassuring him that everything will be fine without even saying it. Hyunwoo goes in backwards hitting the wall, Kihyun nervously laughs hopping they don't fall.  

"Don't worry, I got you" says Hyunwoo turning to face the shower, he opens the water remembering that Kihyun loves showering with Hot water, maybe he misses hell. On the other hand Hyunwoo prefers cold showers since his body is usually warm, one way or another they manage to get clean keeping an eye on each other, not even once do they break the eye contact, they are so close any sudden move would have them kissing. 

"Shownu.." whispers Kihyun 

"Let's go" he says knowing really well if they start Kissing they won't stop, he takes Kihyun bridal style to the bed where they change into something comfortable. Hyunwoo helps Kihyun remove his bandages looking at the damage, at the marks in his beautiful skin that hurts him. 

"Hey, I'm fine" says Kihyun giving him a peek on the top of his head, Hyunwoo gives him a smile and carries the younger. 

\---

The boys get in the van remembering the old times, and for one second they are Monsta X. The city is calm considering the time, they observe one another without saying much just how exited they are to see Monbebe again. 

"Whats the weirdest compliment you've ever gotten?" asks Mihyuk on their way to the concert hall.

"Once I was told you are so hot, you make dragons want to retire" says Jooheon bursting into a laugh that gets everyone, Kihyun had forgotten that feeling you get when you laugh util your stomach hurts, the van parks and the stage crew brings a wheelchair. Hyungwon pushes the wheelchair observing the places around the concert hall, and where Monbebe will be, Kihyun holds into the letter focusing on his voice. 

Kihyun looks at the members moving flawlessly along their songs, he moves his upper body singing along. They get everything done getting ready, they change and go to their designated places, Kihyun stays in the middle. The lights go out and they can hear Monbebe, the boy breathes facing his destiny, once the lights go on Monsta X and Monbebe face each other one last time, the fans scream for the boys as Kihyun says hello to them and the cameras recording the V-live. 

"KIHYUN!! FIGHTING!!!"screams Monbebe.

"MONBEBE I MISSED YOU!!!" He says and the members appear next to him, Monbebe scream in excitement singing along and chanting their names, the sea of Monlights reminds Kihyun of the stars. Even though Kihyun couldn't move he give everything in his singing, the high notes where a little difficult but he delivered them flawlessly. When his body started to demand him to stop he pushed through not for him, for Monbebe. 

The concert goes smoothly and everything goes as planned, moving along the songs until they know is time to say goodbye. When the conffetti falls Kihyun felt everything around him flow in slow motion, he knew it it was time to say Goodbye, to Monbebe that supported them for so many years. He takes a good look at the fans and the cameras as well, preparing himself for what's to come. 

"Monbebe you look like angels " says Kihyun holding the mic scared of letting them go, of saying goodbye and also he's terrified of dying. He searches for the envelope as the members sit next to him. 

"Dear Monbebe, 

I want to thank each and every single one of you for being here tonight, it means a lot to all of us..I want to be able to reach you as much as you reach us with your unconditional love, a few days ago as you may or may not know, I was hospitalized.. I have a terminal disease. Is ending my life in nine days well now only four, death wasn't even in my mind a few days ago.. I really don't want to go but if its my time.. I will go knowing that I reach so many hearts. 

My illness is excruciating and difficult to cope with, it takes over your entire life and causes more suffering that I can describe, it doesn't have a name..but even with that I still love life, its little things that makes it so beautiful...I'm not happy about dying I probably never will, however I'm happy to be here with my brothers, my band mates, but especially with you my monbebe.. I want you to keep your head up and look up at the sky.. it's right there but we barely take time to look at its beauty. 

I know for a fact that each and every single one of you will do amazing things, you were given this life because you're strong enough to live it. I can't express how happy I am to have you in my life, you're the reason why we work so hard. The reason why we become a family, the reason we smile and the reason why is so hard to leave earth. You are such wonderful fans, Monbebe will always be engraved on my soul, I want you to be happy... to wake up each and every day loving yourself, find something you love about yourself.. keep your friends close, but above all stay true to yourself.

This is not a goodbye... is just the beginning of the rest of your life, is a Thank you.. thank you for coming into our lives and give us so much love.. I apologize for leaving so soon. I know for a fact that we will see each other again maybe in another life time, I know because you are part of what I am. 

Thank you for staying with us, thank you for all the smiles you've given us, Thank you for the hard work and thank you for your support I will keep you in my memory, thank you Monbebe I LOVE YOU!!!!" finishes Kihyun that against all odds he stands up bowing to Monbebe, tears running everyone's eyes. The members follow him and Monbebe applauds to them.

"Our Kihyunnie has grown so much.. I'm proud of you" says Hoseok helping Kihyun return to the wheelchair.

"Thank you for your support, they have keep is strong over the last few days" says Hyunwoo bowing to Monbebe again, their manager tells them is time to go. 

"Already?" they ask really sad.

"Can we have a big slumber party, with food and drinks? no? okay" says Hyungwon making them chuckle a little, the boys face Monbebe again crying their eyes out. 

"See you soon" they say and the lights go out, they push Kihyun away from Monbebe. 

\---

The boys direct Kihyun to the changing room, He starts feeling a little dizzy he doesn't know if its thee energy draining or the lights that where directed at his face for about two hours. 

"You look pale Kiki" says Hoseok getting closer to Kihyun that stares into nothingness.

"Hyung? KiKi Hyung?" asks Changkyu touching his forehead noticing how hot Kihyun temperature rise. 

"He has a Fever" says Chankyun pushing the wheelchair as Kihyun starts coughing blood, getting it all over his body, passing out just seconds later the boys freak out taking him to the car. 

"Should we take him back?" asks Minhyuk 

"Let's bring him home and give Ki some Tylenol if that doesn't help then we take him to the hospital" says Hyunwoo once they get home, he takes the younger bridal style again touching the wet clothes, he asks the boys to search for the medication. 

"Wonho can you get some cold water?" asks Hyunwoo as Kihyun breathes rapidly trying to keep the air in. 

"Get the medication quick" says Hoseok getting out of the room, the boys run around the house trying to find the emergency kit. Kihyun open his eyes finding everything blurry, he can see a figure that offers him something to drink, for some reason his throat feels dry and drinking it hurts. 

"Hyung we found the Medication" says Mihyuk running to the room. 

"Thank you" he says giving Kihyun some medicine in hopes that it will go down, he places a wet towel on his forehead, all of them rotate until Kihyun's fever goes down  deciding to let the younger  rest since it's been a long day. 

"This disease is not a game" says Hyunwoo finally sitting in the couch along with Hoseok. 

"He's so tired" says Jooheon staring at the door. 

"Is Killing us as well" says Hyungwon, Hyunwoo stands up walking around thinking about the younger sleeping in the bed, days ago he was shining as bright as the sun but now his light is slowly fading away. 

"We are getting closer to that day" says Changkyun 

"Can we not?" asks Hyunwoo leaving the room, the members look at him go. 

"He has to accept it" says Hoseok hugging Hyungwon that relaxes into his embrace, Changkyun decides to write some lyrics, Jooheon decides to join him as well. Minhyuk looks at some pictures of Kihyun. 

"We are losing him"says Mihyuk.

"But he's still here, lets enjoy the time we have left" says Hyungwon and even though most of them hate the idea, they know that they cannot change the situation. 

Hyunwoo gets in the room kneeling next to Kihyun that breathes slowly, Hyunwoo grabs his hand never wanting to let go. 

"Ki" he whispers in to his hand, Kihyun opens his eyes and turns making eye contact with him. 

"Hey Shownu Hyung" says Kihyun with a hoarse voice, Hyunwoo kisses his palm and Kihyun smiles at him feeling the oxygen tickle his nose. 

"Ki, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure" says Kihyun, Hyunwoo gets the velvet box out of his drawer. Kihyun starts getting teary eyed knowing exactly what that box hold, since he has seen it before of course it wasn't like last time. Hyunwoo proposed with a cruise and fireworks but this time feels more romantic in some way, just the two of them. 

"I was going to propose at the concert today, but I decided to do it here and now that we are alone" says Hyunwoo noticing Kihyun smiling even more.

"So here and now, I want to ask you. Ki we've been through so much together, I want you to know that I enjoyed each and every moment we spend together, my little hamster that always thinks about others before himself, you are such a kind person, without you we would probably had a fire by now. Thank you for loving me so much, for never giving up on us and I'm sorry for taking longer than I should to bring it up again, but I love you without knowing how, or when or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without completites or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this...Will you marry me Ki?" asks Hyunwoo as a tear run down Kihyun's cheek, he observes the older with so much love. 

"what?" 

"Marry me, Yoo Kihyun" says Hyunwoo showing him the ring that was really hard to take off, all from the happy memories he had with it also he never wanted to take it off he wanted to wear it until his last day on earth.

"Yes" says Kihyun once again, feeling the same he felt that day, tears running down his eyes as Hyunwoo hugs him placing the ring in Kihyun's finger. The platinum band along with the topaz diamonds around, KIhyun holds into him with. 

"I love you" Whispers Kihyun on Hyunwoo's ear, the older kisses all over his face. 

"I love you more and Thank you" he says while Kihyun pets his hair, breathing the sent he missed so much. 

"Let's get married tomorrow" 

"We.."

"We don't have time" says Kihyun still holding him scared, Hyunwoo pets his hair until the younger falls asleep in his embrace. He places the younger on the bed tucking him to bed giving him a kiss in the forehead. 

\----

Hyunwoo leans on the door frame observing his band mates around the house, doing what they want living as they should. 

"Hyung?" asks Jooheon 

"Shownu are you okay?" asks Hoseok hoping that the older doesn't faint again. 

"Kihyun said yes" says Hyunwoo and all of them get really happy asking hi if they can help planning the wedding.

"Of course" says their leader a little sad, since the the bad thoughts keep getting in his head as the days go by. Hyunwoo fakes smiles at them and decides to give them some ideas of what Kihyun may want still avoiding the thoughts on his mind. 

"Kiki loves tulips right?" asks Hoseok 

"yes" says Hyunwwoo giving them a hug getting back again, where Kihyun keeps sleeping so he decides to write for him since kihyun needs to sleep after all the nights he has spend awake. 

**[Day 5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGAzVbQC-18)  **

**_Thank you, Yoo Kihyun for accepting my love once again, I will continue to love you each and every day._ **

**_Today you said Goodbye to Monbebe the look on your face is now marked into my soul, you were full of hope and strength, Kihyun you shined brighter than the spotlights it must be really hard for you, knowing that your life will fade away in four days._ **

**_I still have hope that the diagnose is wrong... that all of this is a lie.... it has to be right Ki._ **

_**You couldn't walk today, your legs gave up you also had a pretty bad fever, not to mention the blood that you coughed. At the moment I'm letting you sleep... i know how much you need it... Ki your body is fighting  what ever this disease is but its fighting at the point you're not you anymore... is leaving you exhausted since I can tell even breathing hurts you.** _

_**I remember those times we just to lay outside and star gaze, you will point at Venus saying that it will ever stop shining, just like you. Ki i'm so proud of you, keep fighting my love. I know is killing you just know that you have my support util the last star in the last star in the galaxy dies. Thank you for keeping your promise.. do you remember? When we called quits I asked you to stay as you are, Kihyun you did. I'm so proud of you, thank you for smiling even in the pain I have much to learn from you** _

_**Life is pretty weird.. its like a strange restaurant filled with odd waiters that will bring you things you didn't ask for and not always like .. even with that there will be a day that they will bring you something you love ...enjoy the little things of life..those are the most beautiful ones Ki.** _

_**You know when you look the pretties?  When you talk about something you love, till this day you shine every time you talk about music, your feelings are valid Ki you have every right to feel what ever emotion you want you aren't being dramatic, you aren't over exaggerating  you are feeling and that's okay, I'ts okay Ki what ever emotion you are having feel it with all your heart.** _

_**The members love you so much, we love you Ki. To the point is so hard to imagine you leaving, but that doesn't mean we will ever forget you, Kihyun you are part of something bigger than yourself forever and ever my love.** _

_**I figured that if we can't have forever being here with you is all that I need, I ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together there's something you must remember, you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think... but the most important thing is... even if we are apart I will always be with you.** _

_**I love you, Yoo Kihyun.** _

_**SOHN HYUN WOO. aka your S.Cubs <3 ** _

****Hyunwoo leaves the notebook on the side, laying in the bed next to Kihyun that slowly breathe, he caresses the younger face. Kissing his forehead before hugging him close finally managing to sleep  comfortable after a long time.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... I know I promise to update sooner, and I'm truly sorry for taking so long it been a hectic week so I apologize for the lack of updates, I will do my very best to update faster.   
> Thank you for patiently waiting you guys are the best, thank you for the kudos and positive comments they truly make my day better, I hope you guys have a great day/night take care.
> 
> love, Sol.


	6. Day 6: Saros.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saros: The periodicity and recurrence of solar (and lunar) eclipses is governed by the Saros cycle, a period of approximately 6,585.3d (18yr 11d 8h). When two eclipses are separated by a period of one Saros, they share a very similar geometry. The eclipses occur at the same node with the Moon at nearly the same distance from Earth and at the same time of year. Thus, the Saros is a useful tool for organizing eclipses into families or series. Each series typically lasts 12 or 13 centuries and contains 70 or more eclipses.

 

According to resent studies the average wedding takes about fifteen months to plan, not to mention all the inconveniences that may come along the way or while executing the event. The members however have about a day to plan everything; since they really want to give Kihyun the wedding he deserves. At around 3:00 am the boys manage to make some awesome deals, with the flowers and the cake, the chairs will definitely be provided by Starship. 

"We should get some red and orange, everything else has to be white" says Hyungwon over the phone with his fifth flower shop, hoping they have some. 

"Yeah of course we want you to be here... I know you guys must be busy with schedules and stuff but it would mean a lot" says Hoseok over the phone with some of their friends from other companies hoping they can come, because just like them they're busy. 

"So the difference between Ivory and Bone is the quality or the price? both look the same to me....hello? sir?" asks Minhyuk getting rejected one more time for some of the tuxedo companies, at this point he's considering putting Kihyun in a dress. 

"Why don't we use the stage we debuted in?" asks Changkyun.

"Do you think Starship will let us? I was thinking in the auditory where they first met" says Jooheon hoping that their managers agree with them, and are still awake to get everything ready since they're running out of time and energy. 

By the time they're done, the boys are exhausted, the rap line fell asleep as soon as they managed to convince the CEO to let them use the auditory, Jooheon sleeps in the table, while Changkyun somehow sleeps in his chair, vocal line on the other hand didn't close their eyes until they got everything in the list. Hoseok falls asleep in the ground, Hyungwon somehow fit in the small couch they own and Minhyuk just passed out midway towards his room. They will definitely regret it in the morning, but right now they fell calm that they managed to get everything in order. Sure it isn't going to be an extravagant wedding with 6,000,00 people or banquets priced higher than the down payment of a house, but knowing Kihyun he wouldn't want that anyway. 

-

kihyun wakes up finding Hyunwoo hugging him, the older has a steady breathing, he looks just like a kid when he sleeps. Kihyun traces his face with his pointer finger on his left hand noticing the [engagement ](https://www.diamond-boutique.co.uk/18ct-white-gold-blue-topaz-and-diamond-vintage-engagement-ring-0-3ct-2-5mm-html)ring he has memorized by now since once it was his before all of this. Kihyun smiles at the proposal that keeps replaying on his head, he's thankful the older decided to stay since he usually goes jogging in the mornings. 

"It still fits" he whispers watching how the ring hugs his slim fingers, and how pale his skin looks next to the golden one that Hyunwoo has, the blue topaz shines along the sunlight. 

"I'm getting married, I have to tell my mom" he says standing up, managing to not wake up Hyunwoo. Kihyun walks along the oxygen tank, he feels soar every time he steps his muscles hurt but he ignores it, he calls his mom telling her everything. He gets out of the room noticing the boys sleeping everyone holding their dying phones, it will definitely cause them to battle royal about the chargers since they lose them every single time. Kihyun goes to the surprisingly spotless kitchen wondering if the boys have been eating take out all this days. Kihyun puts some rice in the rice machine along with some coffee, once the rice is ready he searches for everything he needs to make some bibimbap, he gets the vegetables and meat out the members wake up by the beautiful smell finding Kihyun moving some Namul and putting the gouchujang on the side. 

"Kiki Hyung?" asks Changkyun feeling like he's dreaming, while kihyun keeps an eye on the meat, the younger feels for just a second that everything is like it just to be. 

"Oh Kkunkkungie, good morning" says kihyun turning with his breathing tube on his nose, bluish under eyes and tired expression, that's when reality slaps Changkyun in the face knowing really well that it may be the last time kihyun ever makes them a meal. 

"How are you feeling?" asks Changkyun pushing Jooheon off the table, he screams almost hitting his face if it wasn't for a pillow on the ground. 

"Lim Changkyun I swear to God...Kiki...you're  cooking" says Jooheon chaning his mood a whole 180, Kihyun always liked that about the younger his enavility to stay mad at them, but he always had a softer spot for Changkyun they weren't even subtle about it. 

"Yes, some bibimbap" he says putting the ingredients on the table to which Changkyun and Jooheon drool, Hoseok wakes up complaning about his back pain stoping midway towards the bathroom to touch the younger just to check if he's real. 

"Hyung stop" 

"I just need confirmation" he says pressing his cheeks together, he spots some coffee letting go of Kihyun, it finally doesn't taste like vinegar. Minhyuk wakes up screaming scarring everyone then he points at Kihyun then the food. 

"Yes, hand made" says kihyun and Minhyuk almost cries at the taste, KIhyun observes Hyungwon deciding to wake him up, he grabs the vinegar and purring some in his mouth, Hyungwon gags waking up almost violently rushing towards the bathroom. 

"It never fails" says kihyun and the boys take a mental note so, when kihyun is not here they're never late again. 

"I spot with my eyes something blue" says Minhyuk, Kihyun smiles showing them the ring every change he gets, posing with it and giving them some water so they can see it better even though they have seen it before. 

"Stop rubbing it on our faces" says Hyungwon making them laugh really hard, Kihyun on the other hand feels the need to chew some ice. 

"kihyun?"

"I need this, I don't know why but I need it" says Kihyun chewing the ice, the boys worry for his teeth hoping it would go away eventually, Kihyun turns observing the door that held in the love of his life. 

\--

The aisle is covered with petals of what might be roses, Hyunwoo patiently awaits for the younger, that haply appears at the arm of his mother shining along the sun. However every step he takes changes him, he's not smiling anymore, he looks tired, thinner and weak so weak he practically crawls to get to him, Hyunwoo wants to go to him but he's unable to move. 

"Kihyun stop!" he screams but the boy doesn't listen, he keeps going and going until he's practically fading away. 

"WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DIE!!" screams Kihyun and Hyunwoo wakes up sweating, he tries to reach to Kihyun just to reassure he's still here but the younger is not in the bed, Hyunwoo freaks out and stands up almost hitting himself at the closet doors. 

"Ki?"he asks looking around but he's not there, he just hopes he's not back at the hospital and he didn't even notice, he opens the door finding them sitting at the table. 

"Hyung? Did you saw a ghost? you look pale" says Jooheon, Hyunwoo ignores him walking to Kihyun that opens his arms knowing really well he had a nightmare. 

"Shh is okay.. I have those too" says Kihyun petting his hair as Hyunwoo trembles in his arms. 

"He's still here, we'll be fine" he whispers so Kihyun doesn't hear it, he holds Kihyun that thanks him since he's starting to feel cold, not from the ice but a cold shiver runs down his spine. 

"Eat something we have a long day" says Kihyun peeking Hyunwoo's head. 

"Did you cook?"

"Of course" 

"You shouldn't waste your energy on that" he says getting mad, letting go of Kihyun. 

"I wanted to cook... It might be the..." 

"Don't say that" interrupts Hyunwoo, Kihyun hates being cut of while he's talking and hyunwoo knows that pretty well so now of course he's mad. 

"Then when the hell are we talking about it? when I die, because believe it or not is happening" says Kihyun walking away, slamming the door of his room. 

"Don't make him mad" says Hoseok. 

"He'll be fine I don't know what he's talking about" says Hyunwoo, the boys doesn't even say another word, knowing really well how much he's hurting Kihyun. Hyunwoo moves the Bibimbap around without touching it, his mother just to nag at him for playing with his food, Kihyun reminds him of her sometimes. 

"Stop playing with your food Hyung" says Minhyuk, Hyunwoo just pushes the dish aside since his appetite is long gone now. 

"Talk to him" says Hoseok.

"We have time to patch things, he's fine" 

"Hyung, he's not okay... please just... talk to him we don't have much time left" says Changkyun putting the dishes away along with jooheon that helps him wash them, Minhyuk decides to get a shower while Hoseok and Hyungwon try to contact more of their friends to come for the wedding. 

Hyunwoo stands up going to Kihyun, he leaves his dish untouched Hoseok waits until he's out of sight to eat it, Hyunwoo knocks the door and doesn't go inside until Kihyun allows him to. 

"Ki?"

"What you want?"

"Let's talk" 

"Come in" says Kihyun, when Hyunwoo opens the door is like the blindfold lifts for just a second, he can notice how much Kihyun's body has changed, his skin doesn't look like it just to, he's almost at the bone, his rosy cheeks and dimples are replaced by hollowness, Kihyun's hair is starting to look gray, the only thing that has remain the same are his eyes. 

"You have beautiful eyes" says Hyunwoo closing the door at his back, Kihyun glares at him trying to take off his hoodie, but the tube won't allow him. 

"Don't use that cheesy line right now" says Kihyun. 

"But you do have beautiful eyes...I...we are going to be happy again... we're just fine" Kihyun looks at him really hurt. 

"I wish I had 100 years, 100 years i could give to you..But i can't promise you that anymore... just...keep loving me like that" says Kihyun smiling at him, his hoodie gets stuck on his head, Hyunwoo goes to help him, Kihyun takes a breathe in and removes the tube so Hyunwoo can lift the hoodie, he puts it in the dirty laundry and opens the closet finding pretty familiar clothes in there. 

"No wonder why I couldn't find these hoodies" says Hyunwoo 

"I love the way you smell, like baby powder" 

"I'm not a baby"

"True, you're my baby" says Kihyun and Hyunwoo thinks that was just smooth as hell, Kihyun asks for the yellow one that was the first one he "borrowed" from the older, Hyunwoo helps him put it on, wondering why did he change the other on until he notices the red stain in the front. 

"My nose bleed again" says Kihyun lowering his head, he puts the pieces of paper in the trash. 

"How are you feeling today?"

"Well my head hurts, and I feel cold like really cold" says Kihyun, Hyunwoo knees in front of him grabbing his hands, in deed their are really cold he grabs them and blows some air on them, Kihyun rest his forehead on top of Hyunwoo's that smiles grabbing his face and kisses his forehead. 

"What do you want to do today?"

"I want to go to the beach" says Kihyun standing up slowly so he doesn't get lightheaded, Hyunwoo hugs him resting his chin on top of his head, he has always loved how small Kihyun seems next to him, even thought they only have 7 cm (2.7 inches) of difference in their height.

"Let's go out before.." says Kihyun too soon hearing a cup break and someone screaming.

"MOM!!" screams Jooheon

"I swear to God I'm going to choke him" says  kihyun walking out of the room. 

\---

Eurwangi Beach in Jung-Gu Incheon, is a beach located near Seoul really popular along the tourist and people that live close by, both for his gorgeous views and clean white sand. The car ride is about 30 minutes that become an hour because Changkyun and Hoseok insisted in bring some snacks, the boys stop at a near convenience store. 

"We created some monsters" says Kihyun observing the guys from the window, they look really happy but sadness can be spotted now and then, no matter how much they try to hide it Kihyun knows they are hurting. 

"I wonder what's going through their minds" says Hyunwoo looking at them coming out of the store with bags, they give kihyun his water and some Ice from the Soda machine of course they pay for it so Kihyun can chew something since he didn't want anything to munch on. 

"Whats with you and Ice Today?" asks Hoseok giving the cup to Kihyun that munch it as it was chips. 

"I just really want it today" says Kihyun staring at the road ahead, when they get there Eurwangi beach is empty. To the boys delight, not that they hated human interaction he loved monbebe to death, they just needed to be alone for a little. they just want to be with Kihyun and enjoy the time they got. Hyungwon helps Kihyun get out of the car while Minhyuk and Hoseok take the blankets and chairs to the beach, when they reach the sand Kihyun takes off his shoes feeling the hot sand on his bare feet, he closes his eyes moving forward along with Hyungwon. 

"Go with Wonho hyung" 

"I want to be here with you, Hyung" says Hyungwon placing a blanket on the sand along with some sun screen laying on it. The sounds of the waves breaking in the shore relaxes kihyun, he missed the beach since it's been a while they went there. He can feel the sun embracing him just like a warm hug, reassuring him that everything will be okay. 

"If you could do anything besides being an Idol, what would you do?" asks Hyungwon turning to see Kihyun trying to reach for the sky. 

"A photographer maybe, pictures held memories you want to remember forever.. if you ever wonder what someone is afraid of losing watch what they photograph"says Kihyun noticing Hoseok taking a picture of Hyungwon. 

"I never thought about that, I would probably be an actor" says Hyungwon feeling the breeze on his skin, thanking that Kihyun is still with them. 

"May I steal Chaebugi for a little bit?" asks Hoseok almost as if Kihyun were his father. 

"Well I don't know" 

"Mom" 

"Don't call me mom .. call me mother" says Kihyun all serious but cracks up as soon he looks at the boys, Hyungwon stands up and goes to walk along with Hoseok that laughs along with the younger, he grabs him bridal style almost like a ratted doll, Hoseok was strong for sure but he would never hurt Hyungwon he's way too whipped. They where the first ones to get in a serious relationship, they don't speak about marriage or wanting kids so which ever decision they make is going to be for their best interest. 

Kihyun sits watching the sea, how big and scary it is, Mihyuk decides to go with him and sit next to him, Kihyun can sense something's wrong. 

"Min?" he asks 

"Do you think I will find someone? "asks Minhyuk staring into the ocean as well. 

"Of course, why wouldn't happen?" 

"Because people doesn't look at me" says Minhyuk, Kihyun turns observing the boy. He thinks about to this day there is people that want him out of the group, when his voice is so beautiful truly a hidden jewel,he hopes that Minhyuk and Hyungwon get his lines when he's not here anymore. 

"People look at you Minhyuk, I've seen it before. Maybe you don't see people looking at you because you're not looking at them, maybe you don't hear all the good things people say about you because you're too focused on the bad. You're more wonderful, beautiful and special that you ever give your credit for.. I know behind that smile there is a storm, but it makes you who you are Minhyuk... when I look at you I see Strength" says Kihyun when he starts feeling pain, he hugs his knees trying to ease the pain in his abdomen or maybe is from somewhere else at this point the boy doesn't even know where the pain is coming from. 

"You are right...Kiki? honey whats wrong?" asks Minhyuk scared. 

"I'm fine, I got an air stuck in my lung" he lies, Kihyun truly feels like is going to be over soon but he cannot give up that easy, tomorrow he's getting married and he needs to live, he has 3 days left Kihyun needs them. 

"I'ts okay to not be okay Kiki, you're in pain let me grab your pills" says Minhyuk kissing his head, walking to the bag that has all the pills Kihyun has to take in order to be a little fine with the pain, it's still there but it makes it a little more bearable for him. 

"Thank you" he tells Minhyuk watching him go play some Volleyball, Kihyun grabs the pill hoping his body can take it since he hasn't eating anything, Hyunwoo turns focusing on the younger that smiles at them. 

"Let's go for a walk" he says 

"I'm really tired" says Kihyun, Hyunwoo goes to him and lowers himself giving him his back a piggy back ride, Kihyun smiles and grabs his neck. Hyunwoo carefully lifts the boy and he starts walking, Kihyun is really light almost like a feather but he enjoys the sun in his skin hugging into the older. 

"Can you believe we're getting married?" asks Kihyun really happy, it's something he always wanted to do especially with Hyunwoo. 

"You'll become Sohn Kihyun, how does that make you feel?" 

"Pretty good" says Kihyun giggling along with the older that holds his legs, he's really going to miss the way he touched him. Hyunwoo knew how and when to touch Kihyun, they didn't do much skin ship but when they do he was always careful except when they were alone. 

"Do you think?..." asks Kihyun blushing while he hides his face on Hyunwoo's shoulder. 

"What is it?" 

"I want to be alone with you tomorrow" says Kihyun. 

"Why?" asks Hyunwoo not getting the hint, Kihyun sights between laughing and crying he touches him with his nose making the boy turn, Kihyun gives him a smirk. 

"Oh..OH" he says teasing as well, Kihyun loves that side of him, if only people knew how kinky they where before. 

"It will be pretty Vanilla so don't get ideas" 

"I don't mind" says Hyunwoo and Kihyun gives him a Kiss in the cheek, they go back to their spot. Kihyun ask him to put him down and once his legs touch the sand he smiles at the boys that come to join them. 

"Let's go eat some seafood" says Kihyun

"But you hate fish" says Hyunwoo. 

"But you guys don't" says Kihyun observing the boys coming to them, for them he will put his hatred for fish aside because is them. 

"Who wants some Seafood?" asks Hyunwoo and the boys think he's joking.

"are you for reals?" asks the boys 

"Of course" says Kihyun, they almost start crying remembering the time they were filming RIGHT NOW he made them eat chicken, Minhyuk legit drop kicked his ass. Now is a different story, sure Kihyun can't stand raw fish but he can eat some other stuff in the menu he just want them to be happy. 

\--- 

The restaurant is not that big but has a house warmth to it, the boys sit together ordering everything they like from the menu. Kihyun observes the options but nothing really makes him want anything. 

"I need some food" says KIhyun finally ordering some soup, since he hasn't had anything in his stomach. The boys enjoy their food while Kihyun's hand trembles every time he puts a spoon of soup in. 

"I want to propose a toast, for our future married couple even though we know they been married since like day one" says Hoseok rising his soju. 

"I remember when they barely talked to one another and now look at them" says Hyungwon rising his cup as well. 

"A love like yours is truly hard to find, congratulations" says Minhyuk 

"You two have become our parents, even if you hate being called that you are" says Jooheon. 

"Thank you for loving us so much but especially each other and in the bed if you know what i mean" says Changkyun making Hyunwoo choke on his drink, Kihyun laughs along getting to the bathroom where he throws up the food he just ate, his stomach can't take the food anymore, no matter how hard he tries it wont keep it inside. 

"Just hold on a little more...I'm begging you" whispers Kihyun feeling another swing of pain in his stomach, he holds into the hand wash and runs some cold water, Kihyun washes his face and gets out feeling his head is killing him. He gets to the table hearing the members talk about tomorrow, he smiles at them listening to each thing they did in order to get everything ready, KIhyun thinks how he isn't going to pay them back. 

The boys finish eating and decide to get home, Kihyun observes the sunset in the horizon along the city that ever changes, the only thing that changes are the leafs in the trees. The members get in their rooms falling asleep as soon they lay in bed since they fell asleep very late, Kihyun goes to Hyunwoo's room laying in bed changing his Oxygen tank. 

"How are you feeling?" asks Hyunwoo 

"In all honestly it's getting to me... I can't eat anything and I can feel my life fading away...I just.." says Kihyun breaking into tears, he's truly grateful to be alive but he's not living on his own anymore, he always needs someone or something to assist him. 

"Ki...You are here... and that's what matters... you're a fighter" says Hyunwoo laying in the bed as well, deciding to read a little. Kihyun notices the book he gave it to him on their first anniversary ever. 

"You haven't finished the book?" 

"I was going to but I don't want to anymore" says Hyunwoo, reading the first chapter again, he was about to finish it when Kihyun got sick and now he doesn't want to end it because it would be like saying goodbye. 

"I love the ending... It gives me hope" says Kihyun, Hyunwoo smiles and keeps going. Kihyun gives him time, maybe some day he will finish it.

"I'm going to do some calls for tomorrow, do you want the lights on?" asks Hyunwoo 

"Yes, I'm going to write" says Kihyun grabbing his notebook, he reads what Hyunwoo wrote something for him it makes him cry. 

"I love you too" he whisper opening the next page. 

**[Day 6](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OEkJikKqmI)**

_I got to love him once again, once again for the last time. He's my endgame, I think I've always known._

_I went to the beach along with my boys, they enjoyed every moment of it, and you can bet I also did. Today I felt very strong in the morning but as the day goes by  I got tired and the pain increased, I haven't eat anything  in like two days no wonder why I'm anemic, the pain killers haven't been helping me a lot lately. That's one of the things I hate the most about my disease the pain it causes on the way._

_I missed the beach, when I was little my brother and I just to go all the time along with my mom, I wonder how my brother is doing I haven't hear from him ever since he took over our father's company, Saeyoung Hyung didn't take it so well when I told him I wanted to become an Idol "you're wasting your time" he said, I didn't Hyung and I got to met wonderful people every time that I was waiting for my debut._

_NO MERCY was hell, it was exhausting for our mental health.. not to mention how badly we treated Changkyunie, Joohoney was the one that first talked with him maybe that's why they become so close, no wonder why they become a couple after that. My youngest two that spit fire in their rap but are fluffs of sunshine, Hyungwon my chaebugi he will always be part of what I am, of course we bicker with each other but he has my back always. Wonho Hyung we have history together since we where the first ones to ever talk to each other in starship.. Minhyuk my ray of sunshine that hide a storm inside, everything is going to know his name..maybe I should write them some letters so they can read it when they're feeling down and to let them know everything that sometimes I cannot say out loud._

_Tomorrow is my wedding day, It will probably be something small, but getting married to Hyunwoo it's one of the greatest gifts  I will ever get, he has teach me so much, I will miss him the most, and I will miss the life I didn't get to live together, but I know he will be  strong... and who knows maybe in this life or if there is multiple I want to met him and love him, this is not the end of... what do monbebe call us?... oh yeah Showki..this is only the beginning of us._

_I'm completely scared of what is to come, only three days left for doing something with my life, when someone asks you if you only had a certain amount of time left, they usually they say they want to travel the world but when the realization that you're dying gets in your mind it isn't all smiles and happiness, but you do the best to make yourself positive, I need to stay positive for the next days._

_Keep strong! I love you_

Kihyun puts the pen down, observing his engagement ring holding it close to his heart that keeps beating at it's usual rate. 

"Tomorrow" he whispers closing his eyes, laying on his side, Hyunwoo gets inside and smiles at the boy he gets closer laying next to him holding him close, Kihyun snuggles closer and drifts to dreamland. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!!!


	7. Day 7. Annularity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annularity - The maximum phase of an annular eclipse during which the Moon's entire disk is seen silhouetted against the Sun. Annularity is the period between second and third contact during an annular eclipse. It can last from a fraction of a second to a maximum of 12 minutes 29 seconds.

 

If you were to tell Yoo Kihyun that today he would get married with Sohn Hyunwoo, he probably laugh in your face while calling you delusional. Now reality it's competently different, if you tell Kihyun his wedding is happening today he would shine brighter than the sun. 

"KIHYUN!" screams Hyunwoo waking up the younger, KIhyun turns to face his future husband caressing his face, Hyuwoo grabs his hand kissing his palm. 

"I'm here.." whispers Kihyun observing the older smile, he opens his eyes squinting. The older is kind of blind without his glasses so he trusts his mind is not playing any games when he manages to grab them Hyunwoo finds Kihyun smiling at him. 

"You're here" he says and Kihyun kisses him all over the face making the older laugh along, Kihyun gives him one last one in the forehead today he feels pretty good aside from the slight pain every time he breathes maybe today his body will give him a break, Kihyun stands up only to fall down hitting his hands. 

"Mother.." he says 

"Ki" says Hyunwoo standing at the speed of light helping him stand up, he wines at the pain he feels in his muscles. 

"My body is killing me today" he says feeling really sad since today is his happy day. 

"Don't force yourself, take it slow if you need to" says Hyunwoo helping him sit in the bed, Kihyun looks at his hands. Hyunwoo grabs them caressing them and giving them little peeks, KIhyun's hands has always been small and adorable. 

"You're so beautiful" says the older as Kihyun looks at him. 

"Do you still want to marry me? I may not be able to walk or stand today maybe not even tomorrow, we can't have children anymore nor I have the time left to make you happy, I Can't give you what you need" says Kihyun with tears filling his eyes, he's been thinking about it ever since Hyunwoo propose to him again he knew they didn't have time to enjoy anymore no matter if they wanted it or not. 

"What I need is you Ki, I'll marry you even if you can't walk or stand, even if you can't have kids, I will still marry you..I'll always be by your side because the only one I need is you Kihyun" says Hyunwo and kihyun starts crying holding him closer never wanting to let go, but at the moment both of them now they have to in order to get everything ready for today since they don't want the members bursting into the door. 

"Do you think we would have met even if we weren't in Monsta X?" asks Hyunwoo 

"I believe your destiny and mine are tangled together, we would have met one way or another" says Kihyun groaning at the pain he feels every time he moves, he may as well use the wheel chair for today just in case. 

"Can we stay here forever?" asks Hyunwoo 

"Tempting but if you and I don't get out now they are coming in" says Kihyun remembering Halloween their second year in the apartment when the boys got into they room demanding to go trick or treating just like little kids, they may never had kids but they did take care of 5 boys that acted just like little kids but they loved them nonetheless even when they were little devils. Hyunwoo lifts Kihyun bridal style walking out of the room finding everyone there waiting for them with that type of face parents make when they have waited for their kids for more than 5 minutes. 

"Let's go KiKi hyung" says Changkyun along with Hyungwon, Minhyuk also tags along. 

"I'm going to need my wheelchair today, I hope you don't mind" says Kihyun the boys tells him it's okay, Changkyun brings the chair and Hyunwoo places him slowly, Kihyun lets him go kissing his hand. 

"See you at the altar" he says 

"I'll be the one in white" says Kihyun getting pushed by Minhyuk, they get out of the apartment, he's grateful to have the boys at his side. Kihyun enjoys the cold breeze of the morning in his face and the rays of sunshine touching his skin, he's so happy he doesn't notice that he didn't bring the oxygen tank with him until his lungs start burning like crazy. 

"Kiki?" asks Hyungwon 

"I forgot my oxygen tank" he says as slow as he can, trying to breath remaining calm so he doesn't use his breathing a lot. 

"Let's go get it" says Minhyuk 

"Changkyun go get the oxygen, quick" says Hyungwon, Changkyun runs like he never ran before. He runs until his legs fell numb and opens the door violently gasping for some air. 

"Damn that was some run" he says making his way inside, while the boys look at him strangely wondering what is going on. 

"Oh don't mind me, I'm just here for the oxygen tank" says Changkyun walking to the room that belongs to Kihyun, he slaps himself internally reminding himself that is probably in the other room since Kihyun hasn't sleep in his room ever since he come back walking to Hyunwoo's room. 

"Did something happen to Ki?" asks Hyunwoo worried. 

"No, we just forgot the oxygen tank" says Changyun getting out of the room almost as they forgot a backpack instead of something he needs to breathe. 

"He needs that"

"Hyung, He's okay, Kiki hyung is not stupid well be fine" says CHangkyun getting out of the apartment running to the boys, Kihyun thanks him placing the tube on his nose and finally breathes again of course it still hurts but the pain is bearable 

"You'r hubs was worried" 

"My S.cubs" says Kihyun as the boys help him get in the car in the front sit, Minhyuk decides to take the wheel but Kihyun tells him to get in the back. 

"What?"

"Minhyuk we already have this conversation, You can't drive for shit, I'm not risking the car or our safety. Hyungwon ah can you drive us?" asks Kihyun and Minhyuk looks at him offended, he isn't a bad driver he just may or may not miserably fail his driving test about 5 times, not because he crashed into a light post means he's a bad driver, Minhyuk pouts and goes to the back, he didn't want the younger to drive since his speed limit is the same as an old person no scratch that  even old people drove faster than Chae Hyungwon ever will. 

"At his speed we will get there tomorrow" says Minhyuk 

"Hyung shut up, you can't even drive" says Changkyun looking at his phone searching for some pictures, the boys drive to the places they planned for the morning, they get to the tuxedo store of course it doesn't fit Kihyun but the younger is way to happy to care, while the boys decide what to wear he wonders how is Hyunwoo doing. 

\---

 The small stage brings him so many memories both good and bad, the good ones overshadow the bad ones, even though they're always there haunting his mind. 

"I just to hate this place" says Hyunwoo observing the spotlights, the dance floor that still has that mark of the day they almost fall, the altar is small surrounded by tulips and other flowers, the chairs are there and the aisle is guided by rose petals. 

"Did it ever cross your mind you'll get married here?" asks Hoseok putting some red string around the edges of the chair while Jooheon places some flowers. 

"To be honest never...I wanted to get married somewhere else.. Jeju maybe" he says picturing the perfect wedding, at the perfect time surrounded by the people they love, nothing rushed just both of them loving one another. 

"Are you going to cry?" 

"Of course" he says standing where he will wait for Kihyun wondering how much will he shine, even if he's pushed on a wheel chair he will remain beautiful to him. But there is something that scares him that his nightmare comes true, and he loses the boy here dying in his arms. Even though they still have 2 days left with the younger, only 2 days left. 

"When did time move so fast?" asks Hyunwoo walking around, since when Kihyun only has 2 days left. 

"We only have 2 days.." says Jooheon lowering his head, Hoseok goes to him hugging him from the side. 

"I'ts not fair I know" says Hoseok 

"We are never going to be the same without him" says Jooheon looking at both of them, which smiles disappear, this disease change them all of them without even noticing. All of them met Kihyun at different times and love him different ways, they know how much he works in everything he does and how caring he is, they will never be the same when he's gone. 

"Let's just focus on getting these chairs aligned in the perfect way, You know how picky Ki can be" says Hyunwoo avoiding the conversation about that again, since today is his happy day nothing should get in the way, they just hope their friends can make it. 

"Even if it was only the seven of us I would be happy" says Hyunwoo placing the last chair. 

"Let's go get ready, our stylist decided to help us out today" says Hoseok pulling the boys away from the stage, they get back stage to the changing rooms they know by heart, they get in dressing in they tuxedos. 

"Today Shownu hyung gets that ass" says Jooheon making the stylist laugh, all of them have known each other since their NO MERCY era, they become a family of their own after all this years. 

"How are you feeling? I heard what happen to Kihyun ah" says the stylist fixing the mess of a hair Hyunwoo has. 

"I'm pretty good, since nothing will happen with him, it's just a little scare he'll be fine" says Hyunwoo observing the picture he has of Kihyun in his mirror, how happy the boy looks. 

"Remember him as he is" she says and Hyunwoo nods, smiling at the boy in the picture that will become his husband in a couple of hours. 

\--

On the other side of the stage the boys have finally arrived, after getting some fast food, Kihyun just wanted some water and vitamin water as well to have some energy. 

"keep it low with the drinks Hyung, we don't want you to pee in the middle of the ceremony" says Hyungwon 

"I'm freaking out... water manages to calm me down" says Kihyun trembling a little as he drink his water bottle, thinking about the older and how after all this years they will get married. 

"You're over thinking now?"asks Minhyuk worried that the younger may call it quits and the cake is already paid they can't take it back now. 

"I do want to get married.. I'm just nervous" he says laughing and crying at the same time, his stylist decides to do something different with his hair, he agrees with his vision and lets him do his job. 

"The usual with your make up?"

"Make me look at least alive" 

"Got you" he says winking at him, Kihyun closes his eyes falling asleep in the chair letting his stylist do what he envisions. 

He wakes up by a lower back pain finding someone completely different on the mirror, it reminds him of who he was 7 days ago and he loves that. 

"Thank you so much" he says hugging his stylist knowing is the last time they will ever see one another.

"No, thank you for letting me grow, I'm going to miss you so bad" he says hugging him back, they let go of each other and Kihyun decides to change asking for some help, once he's ready he breathes sitting in the chair that Chankyun tells him he will push, Kihyun nods bracing himself to whats to come he can hear people outside mumbling about something. 

"What's wrong?" asks Changkyun 

"What if something goes wrong?" 

"Hyung, I promise nothing bad is going to happen. If life gives it's back at you grab it by the butt cheeks" says Changkyun making Kihyun laugh so hard half of the people fall silent whispering. Kihyun breathes noticing his mother ready to push him down the aisle. 

Kihyun makes eye contact with Hyunwoo and in that moment nothing else matters, is just the two of them. Everyone they called is there, the chairs are not enough to hold all of them so they sit in the audience that is full, Kihyun gets with his mother and he stands ignoring the unbearable pain he feels, giving them a walk to remember. His mother grabs him with all her might walking slowly so he doesn't force himself so much. 

"Thank you for coming" he says 

"I had to" she says, Hyunwoo it's already crying ofering his hand, Kihyun takes it without hesitation facing one another. 

"We are gather here to witness the union of Sonh Hyunwoo and Yoo Kihyun, as you may know love is such an extraordinary feeling" goes on the judge that tells them about love and how sacred it is, not even for one second do they stop looking at one another. 

"I love you" whispers Hyunwoo.

"I love you more" whispers Kihyun, his body is killing him but he pays no mind to it, because the love of his life is marrying him, he dream about it many times, it's nothing like those dreams is even better. 

"Now you may say your vows" says the judge, everyone is crying already and they haven't even say a word. 

"Ki, do you remember when we first met? how awkward we were to one another. I want you to know that I regret not talking with you back then, because knowing this would be our future I would have kissed you sooner. You're one of my best friends, you always manage to know what to say, there isn't a bad bone to your body....even if you nagged I know it wasn't because you enjoyed it. I'm sorry for hurting you back then, no measure of time with you will never be enough, I will always be by your side. I will meet you again Ki, no matter where I might meet you, I'm sure I'd come to love you, if we meet against the 6 billion to 1 odds, and even if you can't move I will love you. I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever, I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love, and to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us a part, we will always find our way to each other.. I love you, Yoo Kihyun" says Hyunwoo wanting to Kiss Kihyun there and now, Kihyun cleans his tears smiling at the older. 

"Remember the time we kissed backstage on Christmas eve? how awkward we where before, and how that kiss changed us forever, thank you for kissing me that day Shownu hyung, I will never thank you enough for everything you have done for me, but the one i'm most grateful for is the way you love me. I want to thank you for loving me even when i'm most unlovable, and for being patient with me when i'm going through something difficult in my life, I love how you take care of me and our kids, and for telling me everything is going to be okay that it will be alright, it's because of you that I can smile again and be brave about what may happen, I love you and I want to be by your side for a very long time. I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share silence when they are not, to agree and disagree and to live within the warmth of your heart and call it home... I love you, Sohn Hyunwoo" says Kihyun really crying, the judge thanks them continuing with the speech. Kihyun starts to feel a little lightheaded but he's not going anywhere not now. 

"Sohn Hyunwoo do you take Yoo Kihyun as your husband to love him and cherish him, in sickness and in health, in richer and poor as long as you both shall live?" asks the judge and Hyunwoo looks at Kihyun shining brighter than ever. 

"I do" he says, Kihyun breathes feeling so loved. 

"Yoo Kihyun do you take Sohn Hyunwoo as your husband to love and cherish, in sickness and health, in richer and poor as long you both shall live?"asks the judge, Kihyun doesn't stop looking at Hyunwoo that eyes reflect how much he loves him, Kihyun smiles internally saying goodbye to his last name, from now until the end of time he will be Sohn Kihyun. 

"I do" he says feeling the tears run down his cheeks as he places the wedding ring in Hyunwoo's finger. 

"You may kiss now" says the judge, Hyunwoo wastes zero time and leans on kissing kihyun, and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways words would never be, his hand rested below his ear, his thumb caressing his cheek feeling the tears as their breaths mingled. Kihyun ran his fingers down Hyunwoo's spine, pulling him even closer until there was no space between them, Kihyun could feel the beating of Hyunwoo's heart on his own and how it comforted him saying everything will be alright. 

"I love you" they say to one another resting their foreheads together, everyone around them applaud and cheer for them. 

"I present to you Mr. and Mr. Sohn" says the judge as the boys turn meeting their friends, they boy walk slowly saying hello to everyone, Kihyun even forgets about the pain he's in since he is truly happy surrounded by the people he loves, all of them congratulate him hugging them and start talking hours and hours.

"Yeah definitely coming back as a Ghost" says Kihyun making his friends laugh, they enjoy the company of each other until is time for them to go. 

\---

Monsta X sits at the edge of the stage, remembering their first concert and their last one in a bigger stage, they observe the empty chairs feeling nostalgic but also really happy. 

"We are going to be friends forever right?" asks jooheon 

"Even longer" says Kihyun resting his head in Hyunwoo's arm. 

"We will leave the apartment for the both of you.. so you can have the devil's tango" says Mihyuk with subjective eye brows.

"Go before I slay your throat with a spoon" says Kihyun standing up along with Hyunwoo, the boys looks at their "parents" and hug them one last time. 

"I wonder what they will do" says Hyungwon while Hoseok gives him a mischievous smile.

"I can give you a clue" says Hoseok grabbing the younger by his waist and kisses his neck, Hyungwon smiles and walks along the boy to somewhere only they know. 

"So what are we doing? asks Minhyuk looking at Jooheon and Changkyun that observe him confused. 

"I don't know what you are doing but, Kkunkkung have a date so you're on your own Hyung" says Jooheon walking away with Changkyun leaving the boy alone, he observes the stage and how lonely it makes him feel without the members, he gets out of there without paying attention until he bumps into someone. 

"I'm so sorry" he says noticing a girl fixing her scarf. 

"I'ts okay I wasn't paying attention either..nice to meet you i'm Jang Guk" she says offering her hand to which Minhyuk shakes happy. 

"Nice to meet you too, Lee Minhyuk.. Guk I like that name" he says 

"Yours is not that bad" she jokes 

"Can I buy you some coffee?" 

"That sounds nice" she says waiting for him to lead the way, they get to a near by coffee shop and start talking about everything and nothing at the same time, Minhyuks bisexual ass is pretty interested in her. 

"They are defensively doing the Devil's Tango" says Guk using the same expression as his, his heart skips a beat looking at the interesting girl and thanks Kihyun because he was right people do look at him. 

When Kihyun and Hyunwoo arrive at the apartment the sun is setting in the horizon, the apartment has an orange look to it. Kihyun slowly but surely walks to the window observing the city, but above all the beautiful sky. 

"I'll miss all of this... I want you to keep my journal... read it when the time is right... you will know when... I trust you Shownu Hyung" 

"You'll see when you get better we will remember this day.." says Hyunwoo looking at the ground, Kihyun turns holding into the wall he gets closer and closer until he reaches Hyunwoo grabbing his face between his hands. 

"Let's not talk about that now" says Kihyun, Hyunwoo looks at him and hugs him holding close, the time they have now is pretty limited since tomorrow Kihyun will go back to the hospital for some testing and they have to get ready for their second world tour. 

"I love you" he whispers 

"I love you more... and  Thank you" whispers Kihyun. 

"For what?"

"Being you" Kihyun's voice wavers, exhilarated from the tension between them. 

Hyunwoo gently leans in and kisses Kihyun's cold lips, the younger isn't warm he's colder than a winter night but that exactly what Hyunwoo needs. They pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Hyunwoo holds Kihyun's head in his hands and pulls him into a fiery and passionate kiss. Kihyun's hand work their way around his body, feeling each muscle, each line of his perfect physique. They make their way to the bed and Kihyun lies on his back as Hyunwoo matches his body form, Hyunwoo's hands venture their way over his body, exploring. They pull apart and open their eyes, they stare at each other, deep into each others eyes. Hyunwoo's full of wonder and love, Kihyun's full of curiosity and passion, no words are spoken but a story worthy of them is communicated. 

Hyunwoo leans in a trail of soft kisses up and down the younger neck that have some blood splashes in there, like bruises but they look a lot more painful, he hopes he's not hurting Kihyun the one lets out little whimpers of anticipation, Hyunwoo works his way back to his tender, smooth lips while Kihyun removes his clothes so he can feel him even closer. 

"Are you sure..I don't want to hurt you" asks Hyunwoo pulling apart. 

"I am ready for you.. I've always been ready for you" whispers Kihyun running his neck and lands a loving and intense kiss on Hyunwoo's lips. 

\-----

The moonlight illuminates the room, is dim but at that point they have adjusted their eyes to the dark, both of them lay naked hugging each other. When they finally clasped each other in a warm, slow and luxurious hug. His chest rising and falling against Kihyun's back, their breaths in unison, and the warmth they could feel in the embrace. 

"I just want to hold you like this forever" says Hyunwoo burring his face on the shoulder of Kihyun. 

"Me too" he says feeling tears running down his eyes, he doesn't want to go especially not now. 

"How do you feel? about ..." 

"It's like I can't breathe, I have hold my breathe in a pool before, this isn't like that. This is like having an gun to my head and being told to not let my heart beat, of course it will beat... I just want to go back to what I had" says kihyun holding him, trying to keep the shape of Hyunwoo on his thoughts so in his next life he knows what the older looks like hopefully they get pretty similar bodies, he just wants to remain in this moment forever but he know's it's not possible but he still has 2 more days left. 

"I'm getting some water do you want some" asks Hyunwoo, Kihyun nods and the older lets him go slowly peeking his cheek one more time, Kihyun can see the scratch marks over his back on Hyunwoo's back smiling at his masterpiece. The boy grabs his notebook, touching the pages he has left. 

**[Day 7](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUG-_sK-tBs) **

_Today I got married, of course I would want to get married at another age, 24 is not the time I expected to get married. But I don't regret anything of what happen the last few days of my life._

_My body hurts every time that I move, my body is letting me know that my time is coming every second that goes by. Sometimes I see splashes of darkness here and there, other than that I'm feeling a little soar but that's another story._

_Hyunwoo is the love of my life, I can see why life put him on my path. He's here to make me remember to love life, to appreciate every second that I'm alive. Shownu has a great sense of humor once you meet him he's like a kid sometimes, since he didn't have any siblings so I know he must have been a little lonely for him growing up, I wonder what my son's are doing hopefully nothing illegal and if they are then they're not my sons anymore. Maybe I should write them letters just to leave them the things I want, I also need to make my will. I don't own many things maybe I always knew I was going to leave, just maybe._

_Tomorrow is technically speaking my last day here to enjoy everything and put closure to my life, I want to see my brother... I'ts been a while since I've seen him but Saeyoung isn't going to come.. I don't want to say Goodbye... I just don't want to... CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I WANT TO BE SAVED AND GO BACK TO WHAT I HAD, to the life I was supposed to live._

_I will miss him the most I will miss the future we didn't get to live... but I just want to live in this moment forever.... Even though I already know the outcome, do you think there's other lives?  That each and every decision we make in other lifetimes would be another choice? what if in another life I'm the one losing Shownu..I don't know how he's so positive and supportive... I would be breaking every second._

_Am I getting to meta about another life's?  Sorry but it makes me really curious..the only thing I know is that we will meet one another, I will search for you through a thousand worlds and 10,000 lifetimes until I find you._

_I will find you Nunu_

__KIhyun stops there since he needs to use the bathroom, but as soon he stands up he throws up coagulated blood falling unconscious on the ground, Hyunwoo gets in the room finding Kihyun in the ground surrounded by blood that comes out of his mouth, he let go of the cups shattering into pieces running to the boy.

"KIHYUN!! KIHYUN AH!!" he screams but the younger doesn't wake up, he doesn't even move his eyes anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me updating faster it must be a lie, but here I am. I just wanted to thank you for all the love and support for the story it truly means a lot to me.  
> anyways I hope you guys have a great day/night.  
> Love, Sol.


	8. Day 8: Umbra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umbra - The umbra is the darkest part of the Moon's shadow. From within the umbra, the Sun is completely blocked by the Moon as in the case of a total eclipse. This contrasts with the penumbra, where the Sun is only partially blocked resulting in a partial eclipse.

"Yoo Kihyun, 24 years old. according to his husband he found him in the ground surrounded by coagulated blood, his blood pressure is stable and heart rhythm on the normal ratio.. however he's not responding to stimuli" says nurse Hong pushing the stretcher towards the emergency room, Doctor Moon takes a look at the boy that isn't responding to painful stimuli such as light and sounds. 

"He's  in a comatose state, is almost like his body didn't want him to suffer anymore" Says Doctor Moon, Nurse Hong nods at him following the procedures, she checks for the breathing first knowing that the boy already has problems breathing so she asks for a mechanical ventilation to assist Kihyun's breathing. 

"Let's get some glucose and serum as well. His body doesn't have any strength and if we don't see any changes lets move to some blood transfusions" says Nurse Hong. 

"Blood type?" asks another nurse. 

"B" she says checking his medical record, Doctor Moon talks with his fellows getting the answer he didn't want to hear. 

"We need to save him" says Doctor Moon. 

"Yeol, there is nothing we can do anymore...we never could and you know that" says Doctor Hoffman knowing really well he called them to gather information of the rare disease they have know Kihyun wasn't going to make it since the beginning. 

"I know you already lost Min Ki, he's not Minki you have to let him go" says Doctor Chastain hugging Doctor Moon, Moon Minki was his 5 year old son that lost to this terrible disease, his body didn't hold for long, losing him after 3 painful days. He was never able to let him go in piece, he wanted to cure him to save him but only managed to make things worse, maybe he would have lasted longer if only. 

"Minki loved you never forget that" says Doctor de Santos joining the group hug, telling him they will get back to the lab to make some tests, and the virus reaction to different types of medication. 

"I'm going to miss you" he says letting them go.

"Don't just call us when you have a problem, let's hang out some time" says Doctor Chastain, they agree walking away thanking everyone in the hospital, they look at Kihyun one last time bowing to him and get out of the hospital. Nurse Hong notes no changes in his body so she goes for the blood transfusions. 

"Where is his husband?"asks Doctor Moon. 

"Waiting room, I think the members are also there" says Nurse Hong walking to the blood bank searching for type B, on the other hand Doctor Moon walks to the waiting room where he finds Hyunwoo along with the members. 

"How is he?" asks Hyunwoo really worried. 

"Yoo ah.. is in a coma, he's not responding to his surroundings, it's like his body is on sleep mode. Almost like his body was protecting him..Yoo ah is not dead, but he cannot hear you or move" says Doctor Moon bowing to the boys, he walks away towards the cafeteria taking a picture of his son. 

"I'm so sorry" he says at the picture of the smiling little boy, and hopes if Minki is listening he can forgive him. Nurse Hong sits beside him drinking some coffee, she doesn't say a word which Doctor Moon thanks her. 

\---

Hyunwoo walks inside the room along the members that gasp at the sight of Kihyun, there is a tube going down his trachea, there is the machine that show his heart palpitations that show no sing of weakness, his chest moves up and down but the younger doesn't move, he doesn't even move his eyes. They can see the blood transplant going to his vein along with some vitamins and other nutrients his body needs, he looks asleep if it wasn't for all the assistance he needs. 

"Ki?" asks Hyunwoo but of course Kihyun doesn't move. 

"Shownu he's in a coma, he's not going to say anything" says Hoseok holding his tears because he knows they only had today to enjoy the younger who knows what may happen tomorrow. If Kihyun even wakes up, Changkyun grabs kihyun's hand that is scarily cold so he just covers him with the blanket, Kihyun feels like a ragged doll. 

"I'm sorry Kiki Hyung, If I ever hurt you..I never thought about it, now I miss your smile Hyung. we haven't say goodbye hyung please don't let me say goodbye now" says Changkyun remembering the times he didn't listen to Kihyun, how much he told him to shut up already or the mess he did just so Kihyun could clean it, Jooheon hugs Changkyun kissing his temple. 

"He has forgive you already" says Jooheon looking at Kihyun's unreadable expression, how tired he must have been to his body just shut down. 

"I'm sorry Hyung for not noticing" says Jooheon blaming himself for what happen, they spend a lot of time together and still he didn't notice. 

"Is no one's fault, Ki is going to wake up and we are going home" says Hyunwoo really serious, he never rises his voice he didn't need to. He doesn't want them to apologize since the boy is going to be just fine, he's going home soon. Comforting lies are exactly that comforting because they tell us what we want to hear. 

"Hyung, Kihyun is dying.. I don't need to repeat it like a broken record.. it kills me ... You're not blind for fucks sake" says Minhyuk pretty mad as he walks away from the hospital, the image of Kihyun haunts his mind because he didn't want to see his friend like that. 

"Shownu..please... just don't" Says Hoseok walking away as well, Hyungwon didn't look at him walking along Hoseok to get Minhyuk. 

"You know your truth, Hyung" says Jooheon both Changkyun and Hyunwoo open their eyes surprised. 

"I don't know what you're talking about" says Hyunwoo observing Kihyun's chest go up and down. 

"You know that truth, the one you hide... the thing you're most afraid of" says Jooheon walking away along Changkyun leaving the older alone, he sits next to Kihyun grabbing his hands between his fingers, he can feel the wedding rings kissing his hand to comfort Kihyun or maybe himself. 

"You will be alright right Ki?"he asks to the unconscious boy in the bed, believing he will wake up just like in the movies, take the tubes out and they will walk out of the hospital into their happy ever after, but stories don't always have happy endings.

"Ki, wake up. Let's go home" says Hyunwoo pocking his arm, getting angry at the boy for not even moving an eyelash, for ignoring him. 

"Ki? why are you ignoring me? say something!!" he screams at the boy but he doesn't even react to him, Kihyun doesn't jump scared nor gets angry for even daring to rise his voice at him. 

"Kihyun please, let's just go home" says Hyunwoo but Kihyun just breathes, the older starts crying holding into the bed for support, your mind will believe comforting lies  _"Kihyun will be just fine" "Is nothing bad" "He's going coming home soon"_ are the words that keep going on his head, while also knowing the painful truths that make those lies necessary " _He only has 9 days left" "He's dying Hyung" "I don't have time"_ and your brain will punish you for believing in both, he doesn't know what to believe anymore, what's the truth he's so afraid to tell? no it can't be that one the one he's hiding. 

"Kihyun... come back to me baby... come nag at me..please" says Hyunwoo holding Kihyun's hand, the sounds that fill the room are the machines that help Kihyun, other than that there is silence. 

" _Please...just.. let ..me go"_ says Kihyun's voice in his mind, he turns hoping to find Kihyun awake but the younger is in his usual state. 

"You're okay.. You're going to wake up" he says to the boy, still holding him to confront his lies. He kisses the boy's forehead and decides that is time to go home, he turns and turns hoping that Kihyun would stop him but of course this isn't a movie. 

\-----

The members decide to call the funeral home to get everything reday just in case, even if that meant losing Kihyun before his time. 

"Do you remember when we first move here?" asks Minhyuk trying to lift the mood. 

"How could we forget? Kihyun almost Choke our manager" says Hoseok laughing at the boys antics, and also at the good memories this place held. 

"Or the time we wanted to surprise him and we almost burn the house down, the ceiling hasn't been the same" says Changkyun making them laugh for real, they just wanted to surprise Kihyun with some Lasagna, the boy was indeed surprised but for the wrong reasons, they still don't know how the oven cough itself on fire they had to call the fire department and Kihyun wasn't happy he was glad no one was hurt but as soon all of them where fine the nagging machine started. 

"What's the best insult you got from Kiki? asks Jooheon 

"Once he called me amphibian shit... to this day it haunts me" says Hyungwon making them laugh until their tummy's hurt, they haven't laugh that hard ever since Kihyun got sick, they're always worried for the boy trying to stay positive all the time. 

"Who is going to deal with Shownu Hyung?" asks Minhyuk since he's the last person that wants to deal with the older, since he's become someone completely different, he's become obsessed with the idea of Kihyun just getting better out of no where. 

"He knows, he's hiding his truth" says Jooheon, Hyunwoo is good at hiding his feelings. But the time to accept the reality is now since tomorrow isn't even given to Kihyun if he ever wakes up. Of course it will hurt it hurts because it matters to them, even though they know they have to move on with their life. 

Hyunwoo gets out of the hospital barely breathing from all the emotions he's bottle up, he goes for a walk without a direction in mind he walks where his legs take him. Hyunwoo find himself in Starship Entertainment, the place they first met, where they had their first kiss and where he saw the love of his life collapsed.

"You have to wake up" says Hyunwoo to the wind, he decides to get home since nothing is going to change by him stand there. He takes a taxi home thinking in the places he went with Kihyun and the ones he didn't got to go. 

"Please.. Ki just come home" he whispers paying for the taxi, the members look at him in the entrance he looks so tired and sad. 

"Hyung.. any signs?" asks Changkyun. 

"No..But it's...." 

"Don't say it's okay, he is not okay" says Hyungwon knowing that the elder is not going to listen, how stubborn he is. 

"Ki is going to wake up" says Hyunwoo walking to his room, the blood is still there, he grabs the cleaning supplies getting in his knees cleaning the stain on the ground, with hate almost as it was the floors fault. 

"We need to talk with him" says Hoseok hearing the loud brushes that their leader uses, along with some curse words now and then. 

" _You have to tell the truth"_ he can hear Kihyun's voice on his mind increasing the violent strokes to the ground. 

"No" he says closing his eyes feeling the truth on the knot of his throat, but he puts them at side like he always does, the most painful thing about a heart break is that they are never loud as a bomb, they're as silent as a feather landing on the ground and no one can hear it except you. 

"Shownu?" asks Hoseok behind the door, Hyunwoo leaves the brush on the side feeling his head turning. 

" _TELL THEM THE TRUTH!"_ screams Kihyun's voice demanding as it was when he got mad, but he never heard it like that before that pain. 

"Hyung are you okay?" he can hear Minhyuk outside along with Hoseok that tells him something that he doesn't quite catch.

"I CAN'T DO IT" he screams. 

" _You have to tell the truth, Shownu Hyung"_ says Kihyun voice over and over, he covers his ears screaming, he doesn't hear when the members call for him, holding him and telling him to let it go. 

"It will kill me if I say it" whispers Hyunwoo so low the members don't even catch it. 

_"It will kill you if you don't.. tell the truth before is too late"_  

\---

Doctor Moon gets inside Kihyun's room for some check ups finding Nurse Hong really worried observing the heart beats of the boy, that have drastically change over the last few hours. 

"Keep a close look on him, if the heart beats doesn't change nor increase we will have to call his family, because if he doesn't stabilize right now he won't make it today" says Doctor moon praying he doesn't have to make the painful call that Kihyun went before his time. 

"Kihyun ah... If you live or you die is up to you... so what ever fight you have in there you have to pull through, just another day...say goodbye to them.. they are waiting for you" says Nurse Hong hearing the heartbeats drop even more, she get's really sad staring at the equipment just in case his heart decides to flat line out of no where, knowing if he does is little to no probability of the boy making it. 

Doctor Moon holds into his phone, with hope knowing really well that they must do something before the boy truly does decide to flat line, seconds feel like hours as the heartbeats drop even more. 

\---

"I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I CAN'T STAND KNOWING THAT HE'LL GO.. I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER !" screams Hyunwoo 

"Hyung" whispers Jooheon. 

"I've been thinking about it since the moment he fainted on stage, I've known he wasn't going to live since the beginning, I keep telling my self that he was getting better and I believe me, except I didn't" confesses Hyunwoo chocking with his words, tears running down his eyes, how much it hurt him for even thinking about it every second of the day. He knew even before the younger was in a coma, even  before he couldn't walk or was losing weight, even before he fainted maybe he knew all along, because of course he had, of course he did, no matter how much he told himself to believe kihyun was just fine, he knew it wasn't true, but he couldn't say it he couldn't say it until now. 

"I started to think how much I wanted it to be over, how much I just wanted to stop thinking about it.. how lonely it felt without him" says Hyunwoo feeling like the biggest asshole in the entire world, how much he deserves to die alone for even thinking about losing Kihyun. 

"A part of you wanted it to end, even if that meant losing him, I know I felt that too... how tired Kihyun is, and how tired we are" says Hoseok hugging the leader. 

"I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to give up and now is our reality" says Hyunwoo, he could barely breathe from the thoughts running like wild animals on his mind. 

"You were just wishing for the end of the pain... it is the most Human wish of all" says Hyungwon joining the hug, they wanted it to stop hurting for Kihyun, and for them. 

"So what do we do?" 

"Speak the truth" says Minhyuk 

"Is that easy?"

"Easy? Hyung you were willing to go crazy ratter than speak the truth, easy my ass" says Changkyun 

"Because I thought I was wrong" says Hyunwoo opening his hands that hurt from the precision he clench them.

"It was just a thought, one in a million thoughts, I wasn't an action you didn't go and unplug Kihyun" says Jooheon sitting next to him, all of them felt some peace after telling the truth. 

"I'm so tired, so tired from all of this" says Minhyuk. 

"Me too, but we have to keep being strong for him, what we think is not important is what we do" says Hyunwoo standing along the boys, opening the curtains to let the sun, it reassures him that even if they cannot longer see Kihyun he will always be there for them. 

"Let's go we have thinks to do" says Hyunwoo, the stain in the ground is not longer there along with the pain of holding into a lie for so long, they get to the table planing their day. They decide to go to their favorite places enjoying the company of one another. 

"Can we go see Kiki?" asks Hyungwon on their way back home. 

"Of course" says Hoseok driving to the hospital, once there they get down, it feels different now. When they get inside the hospital feels weird as if something happened, Hyunwoo can spot Nurse Hong talking with the forensics looking really sad, pointing at the room 07. Hyunwoo walks towards her while the charge nurse tries to stop him, Nurse Hong cleans her tears. Doctor Moon goes to her wanting to give her a hug, but he doesn't know if the girl will allow him to do that. 

"Nurse Hong" he whispers. 

"We couldn't save him..I can't.." she says hugging Doctor Moon that is about to hug her back when the boys interrupt the moment. 

"What happened? Where is Kihyun?" demands Hyunwoo making both of them confused. 

"In his room, Yoo ah give us a scared a few hours ago. His heartbeats were getting drastically dropping but he's stabilized now" says Doctor Moon and the members feel really dumb, thinking that the younger is the only patient in this hospital there is someone there that actually lose someone, and even if Kihyun could have died they would have inform them. 

"Can we see him?" asks Hoseok, they say sure and let them in room 07, the sun shines when they open the door hearing the ventilation machine pushing air into Kihyun which heart beats seem stronger than ever. 

"Kiki hyung... I'm sorry" says Jooheon holding his hand. 

"Kihyun just hang in there" says Minhyuk walking to the window to open the curtains even more so that the sunlight can touch Kihyun's skin.

All of them decide to tell him about their day, pretending Kihyun nagging at them, they tell him what happen to be at peace with themselves. When they decide to get home Hyunwoo tells them to go first, the members smile at them walking away.

"Honey, it's okay if you want to go.. Everyone wants you to stay though me included, I want you to stay more than anything that I've ever wanted in my life... but that's what I want and I could see why you may not want to wake up for tomorrow.. don't worry I know everything you need to tell me without you having to say it out loud...so I understand if you go, it's okay if you want to stop fighting" says Hyunwoo with his voice cracking cleaning the tears that he didn't even notice have fallen off his eyes. 

"I love you" he whispers kissing the boys forehead, he puts their foreheads together closing his eyes breathing along the younger, he walks away turning at the boy closing the door. 

The apartment feels different is more luminous that it ever was, giving them a sign that everything will be just fine. 

"What do you want to eat?" asks Hyunwoo. 

"Some take out, we haven't had Jajangmyeon in a while" says Hyungwon, the leader calls their favorite restaurant before they don't want anything later, Hyunwoo thanks them and goes to his room grabbing the notebook deciding to write for Kihyun once again. 

[Day 8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cGIYNo6UqA)

**Today your body fell into a Coma, even if it's failing at you it still protects you, Ki you haven't open your eyes all day maybe is one of the symptoms. The doctors helping Doctor Moon went away to continue with the investigation of the disease that is taking your life away. The idea of you leaving never got in my brain until a few days ago, I knew all along of course I didn't say it because I didn't want to tell anyone because it would destroy them so I keep them inside where it destroyed me.**

**Sorry I couldn't protect you from this, I will spend the rest of my life missing you, but knowing that you're going to be in a better place and the pain will finally go away makes me feel better, I don't want you suffering anymore.**

**No matter what happens today we still have tomorrow in our hands, you're not leaving without saying goodbye. I've known you for the longest time, I know how stubborn you can be once you get an idea on your head that's one of the things I love the most about you, how you never give up.**

**I want to make you breakfast on the morning even if it's burnt, we would laugh about it and eat it anyway. I will wake you up with kisses, Sponge bob and Cinnamon rolls even though I don't know how to make them, I will learn just for you. I want to sing with you in the car, I want to dance together in the morning light and have pillow fights with you, I want to go grocery shopping with you, I'd run down the aisle with the cart, you laughing at my childish antics. I want you to roll over in the middle of the night and nuzzle into my neck, I want Christmas traditions, baking cookies and decorating the tree. I want to hold your hand every where we go. I want to go to bars together, I want to go to the Zoo and compare you to cute little animals, I want to go to the aquarium, concerts and scream until we can't talk the next day. I want to play basketball with you and of course you'll kick my butt ( but we both pretend I didn't let you win) I want to laugh with you, have deep conversations, Kiss you, hold you, I want to make love to you..I just want you.. I want you to have all of those things and more... just the two of us, no cameras, I promise you in one of next lives we will be two normal people that will fall for each other.**

**I promise I won't stop looking for you, both of us will know when the moment comes, when we meet even if we haven't met one another before, I will never give up on us Kihyun.**

**A year ago everything was different, I wouldn't have pictured ourselves like this and now looking back, I've realized that a year can do a lot to a person, I'm so sorry for leaving you alone all those years but the time we spend together will always live within the warmth of my heart.**

**I will miss you more than anything, but I know I will find you over and over because Honey we are meant to be, I will find you Ki.**

**I love you, Always.**

**Sohn Hyunwoo aks S.Cubs or Your Hubs.**

writes Hyunwoo hearing the boys calling him to pay for the food. 

"DAD!" the scream, making the older smile closing the notebook. 

\---

Nurse Hong checks Kihyun's heartbeats and vital signs before going home and rest a little, when she notices something weird. 

"Doctor Moon" she calls out for Doctor Moon, while a tear runs down Kihyun's eye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, how are you? I hope you're doing well. I was inspired today so I decided to write a little, it's been a long week so I wanted to do something I enjoy, thank you so much for the kudos it means a lot.   
> I hope you have a great day/night see you later.   
> love, Sol.


	9. Day 9. Totality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Totality - The maximum phase of a total eclipse during which the Moon's disk completely covers the Sun. Totality is the period between second and third contact during a total eclipse. It can last from a fraction of a second to a maximum of 7 minutes 32 seconds.

 

The clock strikes 5:00 am when Kihyun chokes on the tube going down his trachea, Nurse Hong comes back at the exact moment to help the boy. One of the doctors help her remove the tube slowly so they don't hurt the boy's vocal cords or respiratory system, the doctor takes out some stimuli to which Kihyun responds making them sight in relief. 

"Hello, can you tell me your name?" asks the doctor to make sure the boy remembers the basics. 

"Yoo Kihyun" says Kihyun with his voice barely making a sound, he feels tired and confused. 

"How old are you?" 

"24" 

"Can you tell me what year is it?"

"2019" he says still a little confused with his surroundings since the last thing he remembers is being in the bed with Hyunwoo, but was that yesterday or today? how long has he been out, he can't put a finger on it. 

"How long was..I out?" asks Kihyun to Nurse Hong that is almost ready to get home, Kihyun gets really happy that she finally taking a break Nurse Hong has been by her side ever since he was admitted to the hospital. 

" A full day" says Nurse Hong smiling at the boy, she helps him sit thanking the Doctor that helped her with Kihyun. She adjust the boy's bed which he thanks and starts thinking about the fact that today is his last day on earth, his last day to be alive and enjoy every second he was given today. He observes the rays of sunshine coming from the open curtains, thinking about the sun and how many times did he stayed out of it, how may times did he curse at it just for shining too bright, but at the end of the day it shined no matter if he liked or not. 

"I should learn so much from you" he whispers, the sun is about 91 million miles away ( 146 million kilometers) not to mention it's dying but nonetheless it shines brighter every time you see it. 

"Where is my notebook?" he asks trying to find it but is not there, he worries that someone may have take it by mistake or throw it away in the trash. 

"Your Husband took it" says Nurse Hong cheeking his vital sings, Kihyun relaxes,thinking that  he probably wrote on it again just like the time he let him sleep, the thought of it makes the younger smile. 

"My hubs" he says, feeling a horrible pain that makes him almost pass out, it's a sign that is letting him know he's going today no matter if he likes it or not. 

\----

Hyunwoo wakes up around the same time, he decides to go for a jog to clear out his thoughts. Knowing really well that today is Kihyun's last day even if he knew it didn't make it any less painfully, after all he is losing the love of his life today. 

"Today is the day" he whispers running instead of jogging, as if that could stop the tears running down his eyes. If that could help the pain he felt every time he thought about Kihyun but that wouldn't ease the pain he felt nothing could not even running. 

"I miss you already"says Hyunwoo to the wind, getting a text out of the blue from Kihyun. 

**Hubby: Honey? Can you bring me my notebook.. nurse Hong will be outside, please give it to her...**

He reads the text knowing that he doesn't want to say goodbye to them, he knows because he feels the same way. While he wants to spend every second he has with him he knows at some point of the day he has to say goodbye, Hyunwoo walks to the apartment. He gets in searching for the notebook finding Hoseok that smiles at him a sad smile since the day they feared the most has come. 

"Be careful" says Hoseok, Hyunwoo nods walking away. The weather is horrible today, it looks like is going to rain any second, not to mention the sun is blocked away even tough it was just shining brightly a couple of seconds ago. He gets to the hospital where he finds Nurse Hong outside massaging her temples, she looks really sad and tired. 

"Nurse Hong? How are you?" asks Hyunwoo getting out of the car. 

"I..been better, how are you Hyunwoo ah?" she asks Noticing the notebook in the boy's hand. 

"I'm really sad..How is he?" 

"Kihyun ah... he's really tired.." she says, Hyunwoo knows that Kihyun must be in pain, he wonders how much he has changed over the last few days, but even if he has he's still Kihyun. 

"Ki asked me to give you this, tell him that I love him" says Hyunwoo kissing the notebook, giving it to Nurse Hong that smiles at him and walks inside the hospital leaving the boy outside, Hyunwoo observes the window in Kihyun's room the curtains are now closed. 

"Hang in there my love" he whispers walking to his car, inside he decides to play some music signing along the voice of Kihyun, he gets so into the song that he doesn't even notice he's in his parking spot still singing and dancing trying to control the tears running down his eyes. Hyunwoo breathes getting out of the car getting to the apartment fining the boys sitting in the table, they turn at him giving him a sad smile. 

"What are we going to do now? the day has finally come..our Kiki" says Minhyuk really crying now trying to hold into something for support, Jooheon goes to him and gives him a hug patting the older holding himself not to cry. 

"We are such a mess" says Hoseok already crying, Hyungwon goes to him kissing the top of his head, closing his eyes clearly hurt. Hyunwoo opens his arms for the younger and Changkyun rushes to hug him burring his face in the older's chest, and makes him thinking how none of them should be feeling like the world is ending but since they are losing someone really special to them crying is the only thing they can do since there's anything they can do just remain with the boy until his last breath. 

"Did you saw him, hyung?" asks Changkyun with his face still burred on his chest. 

"He didn't want to see me, I just give the notebook to Nurse Hong...she said he's really tired" says Hyunwoo trying to not choke on the knot he feels in his throat, talking about Kihyun hurts him pretty bad. 

"Kiki ah is probably doing worse than us" says Hoseok to which none of them disagree, knowing really well that the boy is probably so tired of all of this and doesn't want to say goodbye, how much pain his little body is holding after all this time. 

"We have to keep ourselves strong....for Kihyun" says Hyunwoo the boys nod, deciding to start getting ready changing into comfortable clothes, they remember to keep breathing and having positive thoughts, they decide to get going and pick up Mrs. Yoo on the way so she can say goodbye to her youngest, Saeyoung however is no where to be found. 

"Does he know?"asks Jooheon pretty mad. 

"Of course he knows, Saeyoungie just didn't want to come" she says disappointed on his older, when they were little both of them just to be really close they had their own codes and games they only knew how to play, even with the 10 year gap between, Saeyoung just to be really protective of his brother until he took charge of the company becoming the exact copy of Mr. Yoo and it was rare of them to see him anymore. 

"Hopefully he does come" says Minhyuk already knowing the answer to the statement, Hyungwon ask them if they want some coffee since they have a long day ahead of them. 

\----

Kihyun stares at the ceiling that has become familiar to him, there are three cracks on it one that goes to the door the other one extends to the TV in front of him and the last one placed behind him, it reminds Kihyun of how slowly he's cracking and how much he wishes everything was a lie so he can just live like he just to, smile with true happiness but above all love like he didn't got to love. 

"Do you need anything?" asks Nurse Hong once she places the notebook beside him, Kihyun turns neck hurting really bad he tries to endure it but every time he moves it hurts way too much. 

"No, thank you..." he says barely being able to take the words out of his voice, Nurse Hong bows to him walking away. Loneliness isn't something Kihyun is found of but looks like loneliness has a soft spot for him since lately the boy has felt lonelier than ever, the only ones that managed to take that lonely feeling were his members, his brothers. 

" _I guess that in this part of my story I am the one who dies"_ Thinks Kihyun as he looks at the pictures in his notebook, touching the blank pieces of paper. He reads the last day Hyunwoo wrote for him making the boy sentimental realizing how much he doesn't want to die, and how much he's going to miss the older. Kihyun braces himself writting something down before he isn't able to do so anymore, each word is painful to write but he manages to write a little until the pain overcomes him. 

"I'm...sor" he whispers closing his eyes trying to ease the pain a little, he doesn't hear the members coming inside until he opens his eyes finding them, he smiles at them maybe to reassure them or maybe to reassure himself, Kihyun can feel them staring at him of how different he must look from the boy that he was 9 days ago 

"Kihyun ah" says Hoseok, Kihyun smiles once again as blood starts running down his nose. As the boy passes out the boys rush for a nurse observing him giving the boy some morphine for the pain. 

The boys observe their lead singer laying in his bed, he's on his bones, Kihyun looks like even if he moves a little he may break. Hyunwoo grab his hand placing it on his forehead closing his eyes, thinking about happy memories because it can't be happening today it shouldn't. 

"Please hang in there...just one more day...please stay.." mumbles Hyunwoo into Kihyun's hand before kissing it, the members stay closer hearing the strong heartbeats. Kihyun open his eyes, trying to focus his sight he can feel Hyunwoo's grip on his hand he moves his thumb. Hyunwoo jumps turning to face the boy, that gives him half a smile. 

"Hey my love" he says 

"My..hubby.." says Kihyun turning to face the members that hold him close, crying along with Kihyun that keeps begging his body to hold on a little more, to just allow him to say goodbye to them. 

"I..want..to..talk" says Kihyun between each breath, tears running down his eyes. 

"let's talk" 

"Alone" is the only thing Kihyun says closing his eyes at the discomfort, they understand with only that word, no more words needed they nod kissing his forehead before walking out of the room deciding to wait in the waiting room. They observe the families along with them, some of them are celebrating the arrival of a new member of their family, some are maybe just doing their annual check up and others are waiting just like them for the bad news. 

"Mom"he whispers before she goes outside, She hugs the boys and gets closer to her son. Kihyun looks at his mother that little woman that did everything for him, even working extra hours on both of her jobs just for Kihyun to have a better future, that sacrificed many birthdays, holidays and important dates just because he was on concerts, practicing or literally on the other side of the world, now her youngest is dying the one she's closest with. 

"Kihyun....My kiki..I hate have to look at you like this.. ever since you were born it was one of my biggest fears, I was really over protective some times and I'm sorry for taking away the love of your life away... I'm grateful for raising such a great boy... I will miss you my whole life.. Ki you were more than you thought..people just to call me the luckiest mom in the world however i don't feel like the luckiest mom alive anymore.. Because I'm losing my ray of sunshine, you're my everything Kihyunie.. is not right for a parent to lower their child's casket...I'm going to miss you so much..so much.. I can sleep with the fact that I saw you do everything you loved..You had such a powerful voice... you're so brave for fighting until now..I'm so proud of you..I will take care of you in our next life I love you so much Kiki" she says and Kihyun holds into her crying like they've never cried before. 

 "I will always remember you..You always wrote me messages before my concerts even with the time zone difference...you gave me so much...strength...thank you...for believing in me... in my dreams..for telling me to be who I am... thank you for teaching me so many things..and also.. I'm so sorry for never...learning how to make your Kimchi...I will miss you more than anything..I apologize for not attending my birthdays anymore...I will watching over you, please be happy...I feel so lucky to have someone..that's impossible for me to say goodbye..I love you mom..remember that I love you" says Kihyun still holding her close, she hugs him as well is the last time she gets to hold her ray of sunshine before the inevitable truth, they hold for what fells like a lifetime letting go of one another slowly. She kisses his forehead cleaning his tears, telling him how much he loves him. 

"Can you tell Minhyuk to come, please...and also Mom tell Hyung that I understand, that It's okay..." says Kihyun, she nods telling him I love you one last time before closing the door, the pain in his stomach increases feeling the gastric acid burns his throat, he swallows hurting his throat a little. When he hears the door open Kihyun turns smiling at Minhyuk that steps inside rushing to hug him, he relaxes letting out a sight.

"You're still here...I'm so fucking glad..Kiki don't go..Monsta X is not going to be the same with out you.. who am I going to when I feel sad? You're the one that showed me the beauty within me is just not fair... I'm losing a brother...my heart hurts so much..but I figure that if we can't be together util we are old then in our next life we will meet one another to grow old together..thank you for staying with us all this time.. I'm thankful for the time we got to spend together.. no matter what happens today you'll always be part of what I am...you're going to take a little piece of me as I am going to take a piece of you...You are my brother Kihyun please never forget the time we spend together....remember me in another lifetime..I love you Kiki" says Minhyuk still holding Kihyun, his neck hurts from the pressure but he's willing to endure it just for him.

"Minhyuk thank you for everything...I really appreciate our deep conversations....you give up your room for me..just so I could be comfortable alone... I'm sorry I didn't know how much it hurt you..I will never forget you my brother...even if I die.. you will always be my brother..Minhyuk I can't even describe how much I'm going to miss you...our ray of sunshine with so many cracks but you're still here.. please talk about your feelings.. I'm proud of you Minhyuk..Thank you for the memories they will live... within who I am.... believe in yourself because MInhyuk...you shine as bright as the sun.... I love you MInhyuk" he says letting go of one another, Kihyun bumps his forehead along with Minhyuk like they just to do before he got sick. 

"Tell Wonho Hyung to come...Please" he says, Minhyuk nods and walks outside giving him a wink.  KIhyun closes his eyes at the increasing pain that has overcome his body, even if he moves a finger is a pain that cannot be described. He hears the door open, he turns to find Hoseok tired that he has ever seen him before, he probably didn't even sleep last night, Kihyu wonders how many songs did he wrote, or what kept him awake last night but he has a big clue. 

"Kiki our Kishark our Kihyunster... Its happening isn't it? I can see it every time I look at you, nothing is going to be the same without you, none of us will ever be the same...especially Shownu...we will try our best of course to live a happy life... but it isn't going to be the same..I feel like I'm waiting in a miracle that isn't going to happen..I truly appreciate the time we spend together..you, Jooheon and I have history together..I will never forget those times we just to lay in the middle of the road and look up at the sky... you and I are a team..I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away.. I will always regret the time we didn't spend together but I have to keep strong for my own sake... but also for Hyungwonie is not going to be easy for any of us...one thing I know is that you'll be okay watching over us, we are going to meet one another in our next life... I promise... I love you Kiki ah" says Hoseok as he starts crying the boy that looks like he could bend you in half and he probably could but  in reality he's the biggest cinnamon roll.

"Wonho Hyung.. It's been a while since we met one another...we have become a family in our own unique way...with all the dramas that come along...Thank you for keeping us together.. for never giving up on our family, in your dreams and your kindness... take care of Hyungwon for me... bicker with him in my behalf... but I also want to ask for a favor... please watch over Nunu hyung...he's going to need you... all of you... please don't let him be alone... you know how much he loves to take everything in.. please in my next life teach me how to flirt...I always ruined somehow... I promise you're the one I'm going to search for first... my brother and best friend.. thank you for everything...I mean it..I'm going to miss you so badly..take care.. I love you Wonho Hyung" He says and Hoseok hold him that strong grip that told him everything was going to be alright, the younger closes his eyes preparing himself for the worst, he can feel it happening. 

"Tell Hyungwon I want to see him now" says Kihyun letting go of Hoseok, He smiles at him sending him a kiss getting out of the room, Kihyun can catch a glimpse of the boy breaking. His lungs burn as if he was breathing fire, the bruises start getting worse. 

"Kiki our Kiki hyung.. I truly feel useless right now.. that I'm unable to help you...we just to bicker all the time.. but I'm going to miss you my small Hyung that was the Jerry to my Tom... thinking about losing you never cross my mind...ever... I'm going to miss your nagging..but above all your powerful voice...it's just unique and no one can replace you Hyung..I'm not saying goodbye Is just a see you later.. watch in our next life you'll be the tall one..just watch and see...thank you for the meals you cooked for us, for keeping us together and spoil us so much... I know how much you hate being called mom.. but you have become our mom.. thank you so much keep an eye on us Hyung... I love you" says Hyungwon getting closer hugging Kihyun that can barely talk or breathe. 

 "I had to be dying for you..to finally call me hyung...You're a little shit but you're my little shit..you're truly especial to me... our bickering is one of the things I will never forget..thank you for the smiles... for Loving Wonho Hyung with all your heart just like he deserves to be loved... I hope you get to live a life that you're proud of.. and if you find that you aren't.. i hope you find the strength to start over again.. Starship better give you my lines.. your voice is as powerful as mine.. people feel something when you sing..please I beg you in our next life please wake up at a human hour... thank you for everything my tol turtle...I love you Hyungwonie" says Kihyun holding Hyungwon that starts crying along with the older that holds him to reassure that everything will be alright, that they will see one another sooner or later. 

"Shownu Hyung wants to see you" says Hyungwon feeling how the older tenses in his embrace. 

"I'm not ready to see him yet..please tell Jooheon to come" he says letting go of Hyungwon that sick his tongue out closing the door before Kihyun can nag at him, while he waits Kihyun stares at the ceiling praying for the pain to go away, because he can barely focus on anything. 

\----

Hyunwoo hopes he's the next one because he truly wants to see Kihyun what if he dies and he doesn't get a chance to say goodbye to the love of his life. 

"Don't worry he will call you in soon..." says Jooheon reassuring the older, they can see Hyungwon barely getting in the chair before crying his heart out, holding into his chest as if he couldn't breathe, Hoseok knells next to him holding him next to him rocking the younger on his lap, whispering that everything is going to be okay, to breathe. 

"I'm not ready.." says Jooheon 

"I am let me in" says Hyunwoo excited to see Kihyun. 

"He wants to see Jooheon ah" says Hyungwon between his sobs, making Hyunwoo sit down once again. Jooheon pats his sholder walking to the door 07 where Kihyun awaits, while Hyunwoo stares into nothing hearing how Mrs. Yoo yells something at her phone, he can read Saeyoung's name in the contact info. Jooheon gets inside observing Kihyun, the boy that shined like the sun looks almost dead, he stares at the ceiling with tears running down his tired eyes. 

"Hyung?" he asks 

"I'm fine" he says turning to face the younger, his cheeks aren't pink anymore and the dimples at the top of his cheeks have disappear completely only to be replaced with hollowness and pain written all over his face. 

"Kiki Hyung... I'm so sorry this had to happen to you... I actually never pictured our deaths, but even if I had... It would't be painful like this... remember those times when we wished to debut.. how much we got to suffer in No mercy?... ad yet nothing of those compares with the pain of losing you...I'll spend the rest of my life missing you.. I'll never forget that you were the one that told me I should confess to Changkyun and now look at us.. I'm sorry If i ever hurt you, I wonder so much why things happen in certain way.. the apartment will never be the same without you, but I'm so honored that I got to meet you...and honestly thank you for everything... I will never forget you.. in my next life i'm going to meet you sooner... thank you forget you.... I will never forget you... Monsta X will never be the same without you.. Monbebe is probably missing you pretty bad... just like us...thank you for taking care of us, I love you hyung" says Jooheon going to the boy that keeps crying. 

"Our little bee you always manage to make me cry....thank you so much Jooheon ah keep composing music along with Changkyunie... he will need you as much as you need him..believe me when I say that you have a gift... you're the glue that...keep us together... I'm sorry if I ever hurt you..it wasn't my intention... you know honey bee that I will watch over you.. that I will keep an eye on you...keep smiling and bringing joy to Monbebe to our members too, please you have beautiful dimples don't let them go to waste.. we will definitely met once again, take care... I love you Bee" says Kihyun's voice that breaks at the end, Jooheon hugs him thinking how is the last time they will ever talk alone or hug one another and tell him how much he means to him. 

"Tell Changkyunie to come"whispers Kihyun cleaning his tears, Jooheon nods walking away. Outside he feels everything moving, he can't breathe Jooheon feels like he's going too die, completely hopeless, some people call it Panic Attacks.

"Joohoney?"asks Hyunwoo and the younger starts shaking really bad, he tries holding into something Hyunwoo and Chnagkyun help him get to the chair. 

"What did Ki say?" asks Hyunwoo 

"That's between Hyung and I... Kkunkyun you're next" says Jooheon still holding into Hyunwoo, Changkyun kisses his forehead and walks to room 07. 

\---

Kihyun can barely breathe without hurting himself, even lifting a finger makes him feel like he's fading away. His vision starts to blur, trying to stay focused on something so he doesn't pass out or give up to the pain even if it hurts he needs to stay he wants to stay. 

"I need to say goodbye to Shownu and Changkyunie, please.. I need to say goodbye" he thinks feeling another wave of pain that makes him whimper, holding into the bed hoping that the pain killers help him a little since he doesn't remember when did he took them, because the pain has overshadow the medication. He can hear Changkyun coming closer he opens his eyes smiling at the younger. 

"When I look at you Hyung... I see the strong person that told me...to never give up on my dreams...I know the way we met wasn't the best out there.. but we become really close to one another..thank you for cooking for us..your meals were always good even if you thought they weren't...I can' save you anymore and i'm truly sorry for everything...I will be strong for you..I promise... thinking about living in a world without Yoo Kihyun doesn't feel right... I miss the old times... but no matter what happens...you will always be part of what I am Hyung... always.. So I will keep looking at the stars knowing that you're there.. watching over us...keep us safe... I love you Hyung"says Changkyun. 

 "When I look at you.. I keep seeing that little boy that followed Jooheon around... how closer have we become with time right... You're growing up so fast... I keep looking at our youngest that doesn't deserve to have any hardships... so please take care of yourself...keep throwing fire in your raps... you shine so much without... even trying... I will miss you bickering with me and even... when you could probably kill someone... you're one of the softest puppies I've ever met in my life... keep your head up.. I'll be there for you..I love you Changkyunie" says Kihyun holding the younger not wanting to let go, because it meant that he has to say goodbye to Hyunwoo and he doesn't want to say goodbye not like this.  

"Hyung I can't breathe" says Changkyun 

"Deal with it" says Kihyun before letting go to face his fears once and for all, after all this this time he's so scared of dying. He just doesn't want to go away, he never did and that will forever haunt him. 

"Tell Shownu Hyung to come" he says, hearing Changkyun walk away closing the door at his back as Kihyun awaits. There is not a single sound around him, just the monitor keeping track of his heart beats, Hyunwoo opens the door and Kihyun turns to face the boy he loves so much. His nose starts bleeding followed by an immense pain in his head that has him gasping for air since he can't breathe that well. Hyunwoo runs to him helping clean his nose, rubbing his back so he can breathe slowly so he doesn't damage his lungs. 

"Shh is okay" he whispers rubbing his back, until the blood stops. He feels so tired, holding into Hyunwoo that lays in the bed next to him his body warmth gives him hope and makes him feel at home, He can feel the older heart beats while his drop a little now that he's finally at peace. 

"I still remember the first time we met, how awkward we were with each other ... and competing against one another didn't make it any better.. but when we debuted and had an actual human conversation I found out how wonderful you are....how strong you are... sometimes I feel like you're our guardian angel and that you'll become that after the pain is gone... I want to be with you for a long time, I'm certain that in our next life we will get married at a good age, have a family and grow old together.... I accepted that you were going to die but now that the pain is too real...it hurts like hell, I can't function correctly anymore...I just want to be by your side, I want to hold you and never let go, life is going to be pretty boring without you... I keep wondering why did this happen to you..when you took so much care of yourself.. how can your own body betray you like that...  but Is one of those unanswered questions sometimes life throws at you... you're the love of my life.. i promise you that i'm going to find you again, no matter where or when we will find each other... because baby you and I are endgame.... I'm so angry right now.. is just not..." says Hyunwoo holding him shaking at the strong emotions going inside his mind, while Kihyun holds his tears drawing some hearts in his chest knowing how much this disease is affecting Hyunwoo that is taking the love of his life away, and the inability to help him. 

"You be as angry as you need to be... and if you need to break things.. then Hyung by God you break them good and hard... I want to be with you so badly.. I can't go through with it... but the idea of telling you to stay in one place and live a "normal" life makes me sick... i'm 100% sure that you're someone extraordinary...I've seen it Hyung... this is only the beginning for you... you're going to do amazing things...this is so hard.. you know how many nights did I cry thinking about my last words to you....listen to me... Hyung you're going to exit that door and you're going to shine brighter than the sun... without me... that's how much I love you... and you know what we are going to do? Surrender..." says Kihyun between tears. 

"No, Ki don't ask me that" says Hyunwoo kissing his head, touching his delicate body for the last time. 

"I know how hard this is for you... because of how hard you hold into stuff... you still have that little bear I give you to break the ice that one time....but we are going to ...let the universe do its thing.. and If we are meant to be together then... will you do it with me Hyung? Surrender?" asks Kihyun with a broken voice as he breaks holding into the love of his life, Hyunwoo loses it as well holding Kihyun. 

"I love you so much... I'm sorry.. I couldn't protect you... I should have done something..." he says between his sobs crying even harder. 

"Is.. not your fault.....I love you.. more than... anything.." says Kihyun burring his face in the crock of his neck, thinking about the older and how he's never going to be alone; he has the members of course, he knows him leaving will leave a strong scar but It will make him stronger eventually, he will make it through. Hyunwoo caresses his cheek and Kihyun looks at him giving him a last kiss, knowing that is okay to go. 

"I..wa...nt..my..sons.."he can barely speak now, Hyunwoo kisses his forehead getting down of the bed to get the members, Kihyun lays on his side because he can't move anymore his body has become numb, Hyunwoo signs at them to come inside while Kihyun starts hearing his heart beats drop, each second. The members rush inside fidning Kihyun still alive, they gather around him holding his hand. 

"Ki, we love you... you are loved" says his members and Kihyun nods at them, he starts feeling heavy and slowly fading away. He doesn't feel anything anymore the pain is finally fading away, taking him along. 

"I don't want you to go" says Hyunwoo holding on tight to his lover. And by doing so... he can finally let him go.

Kihyun smiles at them one last time as his life drifts away, people say you die twice, the first time when you stop breathing and the second time a bit later when someone calls your name for the last time. 

"Kihyun" says his members, Kihyun closes his eyes as a tear run down his cheek and his heart falls into a flat line in the now quiet room the only thing that can be heard is the sound of the flat line running in the screen. 

\---

7:32 A.M was the time Yoo Kihyun's heart stop beating ending with his life at the age of 24, moments after the boys broke down screaming and trying to make the boy wake up once again, but he didn't. The sadder part was that when Kihyun died his body go back to what it was before, it made him seem that he was just sleeping, he shined so brightly almost full of life. 

"We love you" they say as Doctor Moon fills some paper work including the cause of dead  "UNKNOWN" he writes feeling awful for not being able to help the boy, even when there wasn't anything they could do. 

The funeral was the next day a private ceremony, no cameras allowed even though it was all over the news when Starship finally give the official statement that Yoo Kihyun had passed away due to unknown circumstances, the boys give their eulogies to Kihyun their best friend, he was buried in the next spot to his grandparents. Saeyoung never came to say goodbye to him, but some days later they found tulips on Kihyun's grave. The boys stayed together closer than they ever were before, Monsta X wasn't the same without Kihyun, but Monbebe stayed with them giving them many awards and recognition, they stayed with the boys util their last concert when they decided to part ways, keeping each other close. 

They moved out the apparent on their own times, when Hyunwoo finally decided to get his stuff along with Kihyun's it was on Kihyun's birthday his 28th he didn't get to celebrate with them, Hyunwoo puts his clothes in boxes for donation finding the notebook he give to Kihyun all those years ago along with his camera and phone. Hyunwoo gets a knot on his throat giving it a bitter sweet smile, he puts the boxes on his car saying goodbye to the apartment closing the door at his back. 

On his way home he decides to get some coffee, grabbing the notebook to read the days he has memorized by now, after all Kihyun told him to read it 4 years ago. He goes through the pages smiling at the pictures and trying really hard to not cry in public. 

"What is this?" he asks finding the 9th day on Kihyun's journal, he wrote 9 days even when breathing hurt him, Hyunwoo opens it and starts reading the last day. 

**[Day 9](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ_Ebx5a8Xc) **

_Life is truly scary, some days you feel like the king of the world and others you just feel like complete garbage, I feel at peace that I got to enjoy doing the things I loved, signing was one of them, and i got to do it with my sons, even though Minhyuk and Wonho are older than me but still my sons._

_Thinking about life I regret so much, the things I didn't say or do, that will haunt me forever but if there's another life I want to do everything I didn't do. Everything, everything. I will never be happy about leaving so soon, but I'm grateful of the time I got, some people don't get any. i'm proud of myself for enduring this much, i feel bad for my band mates they must have been pretty tired so I'm grateful that they stayed by my side._

_My hubs was everything if not more, My Hyunwoo that will probably miss me the most, I miss him already. The way he make me feel, he give me hope in the days I was feeling at my worst, since i'm not an easy person to be with I know that and I probably didn't make it easy for him either and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, I will love you even more in our next life, i'm so grateful that I got to love you._

_I think everything in life is art, what you do. How you dress, the way you love someone, and how you talk, your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams, the way you drink your tea, how you decorate your home or party, your grocery list the food you make, the way your writing looks and how you feel._

_Life is art._

_People say you only live once, but I think that if you do it right once is enough, I wouldn't wish to be immortal but I did want to grow old. You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming; that's where I'll always love you, there's where I will be watching over you._

_When I die don't cry just look up at the sky and say....._

That's the last thing Kihyun wrote followed by a line, Hyunwoo touches the Hangul feeling the pressure he put in each word, the pain he was and how strong he was for even trying to write on his last day, how he still smiled until the very end. Hyunwoo closes the notebook and for once in years he decides to look up at the blue sky is so beautiful he tries to reach for it. 

"Goodbye" he whispers feeling how the sun embraces him, as if it was telling him that everything will be okay and for a split second he can feel like Kihyun is the one actually embracing him, giving him hope for a tomorrow. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I cry? yes, do I regret anything? nope... I hope you guys like this chapter, let me know what you think and also a big thank you to all of you that have waiting patiently for my updates and also for your lovely comments they always make my day so much better, a big thank you for the support and please take care. 
> 
> Have an awesome day/ night see you soon. 
> 
> Love, Sol. 
> 
> Ps. This one is for you Sister, I miss you always.


	10. Epilogue: Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sun: The Sun is the star at the center of the Solar System. It is a nearly perfect sphere of hot plasma, with internal convective motion that generates a magnetic field via a dynamo process. It is by far the most important source of energy for life on Earth.

 

7 years to the day since Yoo Kihyun died, the remaining 6 members decided to go back to the old apartment they just to live, to remember Kihyun. They do it every year, been together is hard it makes his absence more even more real and painful, but they need to be next to each other on this day. 

The cure for Kihyun's unknown disease till this day doesn't have a name hasn't been found, Doctor Moon keeps working on the search for the cure along with his companions. Nurse Hong still works at the hospital, sometimes she calls the boys asking how they are doing, everyone wanted to talk about how he died. The media went crazy trying to guess what took Kihyun away. To this day the boys don't ever watch the news, some still talk about it. The boys talk about how he lived, the way he was so positive and how raw his journal was never backing out of speaking his mind, Hyunwoo reads it to them every time they get together. 

"Dad are we going to wait long?" asks Jihyun, Hyunwoo's adopted son that just turned 4 last may, Sohn Jihyun is the perfect mix of he and Kihyun even the social worker was surprised at the similarities, but she was also worried that the boy would rise the little boy alone, he has prove everyon wrong after all taking care of 5 boys it was a little easier. 

"I'm sorry honey, I don't have the key. Uncle Wontoki haves them" says Hyunwoo holding his little hand, they rotate the key each year, last year Hoseok took it. 

They can hear a sports car coming in their direction really fast, pulling the break in the most dramatic way possible the license plate reading "Swag" the door open at the same time as Jooheon and Changkyun get out of the car with shades and the most funny onesies he has seen in ages a bee and a wolf, Hyunwoo tries so hard not to laugh at them. 

"Shownu Hyung? Whats up, how you been?" asks Jooheon running to hug the older, with his little antennas dangling Hyunwoo can't help but laugh. 

"What?" he asks almost offended. 

"Jihyunie!!" screams Changkyun running to Jihyun that holds his little hands up, hugging the boy. 

"Uncle Kkukung" he says holding into his neck. 

"I been good, how are you two? I heard 2 chain is doing really well" 

"You know it Hyung...where is everyone?" he asks almost like he invoke them, Minhyuk gets there in his car wearing some shades and also a dog onesie, Hyunwoo wonders what is going on because even Guk, Minhyuk's fiance is wearing that dog onesie. 

"Shownu! Jihyunie!!" screams Minhyuk running to them hugging each other, they don't see each other as often as before since they been busy with life and they don't hang out anymore. 

"Monmonggie!" says Jihyun as Minhyuk picks him up, he hugs into him. 

"Oh my baby is all grown up" he says kissing his cheeks, as Guk bumps his nose making the boy laugh. 

"Why are you wearing onesies?" asks Hyunwoo. 

"You didn't got the memo? I send you a message...wait I think I send it to Kihyun's old phone number..." says Changkyun getting really sad, remembering the times he found Hyunwoo calling Kihyun just to hear his voice. 

"Where is Hyungwonho?" asks Guk, there is a motorcycle sound when they turn Hoseok and Hyungwon get down wearing their Turtle and bunny onesies, drinking some banana milk while they take their shades out and Hoseok plays with the keys. 

"Wonho is home son!" he says stop turning the keys, observing Hyunwoo disappointed.

"I send you a memo, Dad" he says going upstairs to open the door. 

"I didn't saw it" he says 

"No worries" says Hyungwon giving the older a bear onesie, along with a hamster one for Jihyun. 

"We also got a shark one, Jiji ah you can chose" says Hoseok from upstairs as Hyungwon holds the little boy on his arms, Jihyun observes the costumes getting the Hamster one.  

"Thank you Uncle Wontoki and Uncle Chaebugi" says Jihyun giving Hyungwon a kiss in the cheek and sends him one to Hoseok that finally managed to get the door open, the boys walk upstairs pointing at the windows where some of their neighbors just to live, how some of them still live there and others moved away as years went by. The apartment is spotless just like Kihyun liked it, they have someone that comes clean it once a week, many memories come to their mind as they step inside.

"Daddy is here" says Jihyun exited as Hyungwon puts him in the ground, the little boy observes the apartment as if he was searching for something. 

"He's always with us Jihyunie" says Hyunwoo observing the place as they walk around foot steps echoing in the emptiness, they touch the walls noticing the mark of that one time Kihyun trow a pan into the wall to Kill a spider is still there, along with the grandma picture frames Hoseok bought once to make the apartment feel more like home, the counter still has that nightmarish yellow on them that Changkyun said would bring more light into the room spoiler alert it didn't. The ceiling still haves that burnt mark from the time they tried to cook a lasagna, so many memories they cherish are in there. 

"I can't believe it's been 7 years since we lived here" says Hyungwon it feels like it was yesterday when Kihyun would nag at them for not listening, or for the mess they had. They miss his voice so much, that raspy voice with a cute lisp that produced such wonderful waves of sound when he sing transporting them into another place. 

"There is Daddy" says Jihyun pointing at a picture of Kihyun smiling at the camera, Hyunwoo always takes Jihyun to Kihyun's photo gallery on Kihyun's birthday and explains the reason why Daddy is not longer with them, but even when Kihyun is not there Jihyun loves the boy so much because he knows how much he meant to his Dad that to this day still wears his wedding ring and isn't interested in anyone. 

"Of course, Daddy was 22 in that picture" says Hyunwoo observing the picture, it was Minhyuk that took it they went on a field trip or something, he tried to comfort the younger since they had break up their engagement the week before. Hyunwoo is thankful to Minhyuk for bringing life into the boy on those dark days, the boys decide to order some take out siting on the table where Kihyun's chair remains empty, until JIhyun sits on it and he looks just like a small copy of Kihyun. Hyungwon takes a picture of Jihyun for the memories, as they talk about what they've been up to. 

"I'm pretty exited for my next major role in September, but of course i'm scared too I don't want to mess up" says Hyungwon that has become an actor. 

"I always knew you could do it" says Minhyuk giving him a high five, they can see the old notebook laying on the table getting a little sad. When they are together it makes it harder, since their absence is more present. 

"Hearing his words on the notebook, makes me miss him even more" says Hoseok playing with one of Hyungwon's hands as the younger lets him play with it, leaning backwards feeling the warmth of the older. 

"It gives me strength, he was dying and still managed to write I can do what ever I get my head into" says Jooheon, all of them agree and admire that from Kihyun. The strength he had for enduring so much pain and even when dying wasn't in his plans he still left earth with a smile. 

"To our Kihyunster...sorry our Kishark.." says Hyunwoo rising his glass of tea along with them, Jihyun rises his training cup smiling at them. The boys smile along feeling a little better to start hearing the words of Kihyun, Hyunwoo opens the notebook ask them who wants to read it this time. 

"I'll do it" says Changkyun grabbing the notebook. 

Jihyun feels something on his back, he turns but there is nothing he looks at his father that smiles at him. The little boy gets down of the chair noticing an open door, he walks slowly to the door that has his father's name on it, he push it open finding darkness on the other side. 

"Daddy?"he asks to the darkness, the little boy observes the darkness going in the room, as soon he steps in the room illuminates by the sun light. He can notice something shining on the corner of the bed, Jihyun goes in that direction and pulls it out of the bed finding a sealed envelopes with a nickname on it " _S.Cubs_ " Jihyun wonders what it says since he's starting to learn how to read Hangul, he hears a sound coming from somewhere deciding to follow the sound. Jihyun gets out of the room and gets out finding another door open he goes to the next room he gets in and finds the thing that fell into the ground next to another envelope " _Monmonggie_ " he puts the fake flowers on their place noticing they are tulips the ones Kihyun just to like. 

Jihyun goes outside hearing his uncle read the fifth day, most of them are crying already he wished he could have met Kihyun, since he knows he would have love him like his father since he was selfless like that, and his laugh always manages to make him feel safe. The door at his left opens so silently Jihyun almost doesn't even notice, the little boy goes inside this time finding two letters " _Wontoki_ " and " _Chaebugi"_ Jihyun wonders who does that hand write belongs to since he hasn't seen it before, but he doesn't know what Kihyun's writing looks like. 

"Daddy? are you here?" he asks, He doesn't get an answer but some how he know Kihyun is here guiding the little boy through the room. As he stands up he catches the glimpse of a boy smiling at him but is only seconds long, he gets to the last room finding the last ones hidden on the back of the headboard " _Joohoney_ " and " _Kkukkung_ " Jihyun smiles and puts it on the small pile he has in his side, he stands up observing a picture of his uncles and Dad with T shirts with a Monsta X logo, he touches his father's face notcing he hasn't smile like that ever since Kihyun died so that must have been his special smile for Kihyun, he observes Kihyun hugging the picture close to him and the door opens slowly, the little boy gets out of the room noticing all the doors are closed now. Jihyun goes to the table reclaiming his seat at the table sipping out of his training cup. 

"I miss him even more now" says Hyunwoo looks at his son holding something in his hands, like envelopes of some sort. 

"Jihyunie, what do you got there honey?"asks with a broken voice after hearing what Kihyun wrote on his notebook, he knows his words by heart but that doesn't make them any less painful. Jihyun looks at him giving him the envelopes, he reads the nicknames of them on them with Kihyun's hand write. 

"Jihyun where did you get these?" he asks almost at the verge of crying, asking himself how long have those letters been in there. 

"Daddy give them to me" says the little boy smiling at them, the boys gasp at the response a little scared, maybe a little hurt. 

"What do you mean Jiji ah?" asks Chankyun 

"Daddy showed me the way" says Jihyun making the boys wonder if he's imagining things or Kihyun is truly there, some people say that Kids are able to catch a glimpse of the spirit world, because of their innocence, and thus the boys hope that Kihyun is not a lost soul that hasn't reach peace. 

"Ki are you here?" asks Hyunwoo, there isn't an answer but he feels like he's here somehow. 

"What is that?" asks Minhyuk 

"Letters, he wrote us letters" says Hyunwoo giving them their designated letters, the boys stare at the envelopes astonished pondering when did Kihyun had time to wrote those, and how they're just finding them just now. They have been in the apartment many times maybe they were to focused on their sadness to listen and let them be guided by Kihyun, even when he left them a little piece of him. 

"Should we read them now? or in our own?" asks Hoseok touching Kihyun's hand write, feeling happy that he finally has a piece of Kihyun that is just for him sure they have the notebook but that one belongs to Hyunwoo, now these letters are for each and every one of them. 

"Let's read them in our own, because what ever Kihyun wrote in these. It's between Kiki and us" says Jooheon all of them agree to read them when they feel ready, the boys decide to talk about how they need to see each other more often, Hyunwoo observers the view of the city and how pretty the colors mangle with each other as the sun starts to set in the horizon, Jihyun plays along with Guk some charades easing the boy that his little boy is happy. 

"I miss you Ki" he whispers noticing how the room shines even more, Kihyun observes the members for the last time before moving away. Kihyun smiles to Hyunwoo one last time, noticing Jihyun giving him a little heart if he could cry he would. 

"I miss you more, Jiji take care of dad for me" he says stopping before he steps into his next life. 

"I will daddy, see you. We love you" and with that KIhyun steps into his next life, disappearing out of earth. Knowing really well that he might not have had all the time in the world, but those last 9 days he wouldn't change them for nothing. Because after all sunsets are the proofs that endings can also be beautiful. 

 

***********

 

June 20th 20XX, 7:32 AM Seoul, South Korea. 

"I will search through a thousand worlds, through ten thousand lifetimes until I find you".-47 Ronin

 

Summer, the summer is the time of romance and infinite potential. Summer is also the time when temperature raises from mild to warm and bird sing their lullabies, the color of summer is Yellow which represents the sun, the one shines brightly above the head of a rushing boy that may or may not be late for one of his most important interviews in his lifetime, he really should be paying attention to the streets and what he needs to say but he's too focused on the sky. The sky is so blue he wonders why people doesn't look up at the sky once in a while, some how since he was born the boy has felt a strong connection to it his best friend Hoseok sometimes teases him about it but the boy ignores him for the most part. He's so focused in the colors that he ends up bumping into someone falling to the ground by bumping into the well build tanned boy waiting for the crosswalk to change to green. 

"Oh my god I'm so sorry" says the boy offering a hand to the other so he can stand up, he has small eyes and a beautiful smile that could melt even the coldest heart, the younger smiles at him as well. 

"It's okay, I wasn't paying attention" says the younger still holding his hand, there is something there a burning feeling he never had before. 

"Have we ever met before? Your face looks familiar" he asks to the older that looks at him from head to toe, there is something about the small boy standing in front of him that is so familiar yet so distant like something he felt before, just like listening to an old song you just to like. 

"Not at all...but now that you mention it.. your face seems familiar. Are you perhaps a singer?... but where are my manners My name is Sohn Hyunwoo" says the elder shaking the hand they are still holding, making the younger even more confused " _Shownu Hyung"_ he hears turning to the side, it sounded exactly like his voice but there is no one beside him. 

"No, I wish.. nice to meet you Hyunwoo-ssi my name is Yoo Kihyun" says the younger finally putting a name to his face, Hyunwoo smiles at him finally letting go of his hand feeling empty for some reason " _Ki"_ there is a whisper in his mind that weirdest the latter deciding to ignore it. 

"I like your name, It was a pleasure to meet you Kihyun ah" 

"Likewise, take care Hyunwoo Hyung" says Kihyun bowing to him, they smile at each other the light changes to green and the boys walk into different directions, Kihyun waves at him as he gets further away. Hyunwoo gets the uncontrollable feeling that they have met one another before, that this isn't the first time they have ever seen one another and it doesn't have to be the last, Sohn Hyunwoo stops in the middle of the road turning around, looking for Yoo Kihyun. 

 

The end.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe is over, I'm going to miss you so bad and this story will forever live with me. I'm really glad that you guys have enjoy this story as much I have enjoy writing it, you haven't seen the last of me. I'll be back with some other story another time, if you want to read another story by me let me know. What would you like me to write, I'm open to suggestions maybe a cheesy love story kidding, I would love to write a love story. Let me know *winks* 
> 
> Thank you so much for everything, your comments really meant a lot to me, It helped me improve my writing which isn't perfect but i'm getting a little better with time, you guys honestly are the best, we have cried, laugh and get angry at my story together and for that I will be forever grateful. If you guys want to read another story by me I have Dear Kihyun, it has nothing to do with 9 Days and its a lot more darker, read it if you want. 
> 
> I want to thank your patience, I was really inconsistent with my updates so thank you so much, I will see you guys later honestly thank you so much, have a nice day/night. 
> 
> Love, Sol.


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